Open Wounds

Open Wounds: About Forgiveness and Healing

Tonight at Bible Study we watched a Video by Nooma called Luggage... In this video Rob Bell speaks about Forgiveness, about the baggage we all carry, that it is not just us but everyone who carries such baggage. Those who have betrayed us, deviled us, abused us, neglected us, made fun of us, rejected us, and taken evil out on us. However, just as others have this capacity for such negative and hateful reactions towards us, we also have the ability to react in similar manners, by advocating and becoming bitter, feeling malice, slandering, and taking out revenge on others, wishing them some sort of harm or punishment. In the end, we truly have forgiven someone when we wish them well and leave it behind.

The problem is... it is so much easier said then done. In my life my open wounds I deal with is rejection. I always feel like I am not good enough at whatever I am doing, some ingrained illogical look at myself, not merely based on my physical self image, but just because I feel somehow I am not good enough on the inside, so even if someone could see past my outside appearance what they would see would be unpleasurable. Now, logically and spiritually I know this is not true, but Satan and flesh have a way around our logic and around our hope in Christ, they creep through the crevices of our lives, they live between the cracks of doubt and those dark areas where we lack in self, those areas where we are weak, where we feel abandoned, where we feel left behind as everyone else seems to be moving forward.

It comes with time, it comes with work, and it comes with patience; however, not just in relationships and friendships but in jobs/ministry it feels like I get rejected a lot, like I don’t project the right image. Everyone says you should change yourself if you don’t fit in the slot you are looking for, but then you find yourself stuck in a place you should have never been because you projected a false image of yourself... I suppose I just wish I could feel at ease and at peace for being myself, be accepted for who I am inside and out. And I know Christ loves me but the world brings out the negative and decreases the positive in life.

The hardest thing to accept is what to do with this open wound I feel about rejection. I keep hearing, just let it go - you will find your niche, it is only a matter of time. I hear God telling me to trust him and in time things will heal. It never seems to come soon enough for me somehow… If I keep scratching this wound, if I keep going back to the past, I will never be healed, I will never be truly able to find peace or even see its opportunity if I am so blinded by this fear, this rejection, this open wound.

May God grant us healing,
May he help us close those wounds,
The ones that hurt us,
The ones that seem to define us,
May he help us heal and move forward,
May we wish others well
May we become reconciled to others,
And to Our Self.

Christ make me whole,
Christ make me like YOU,
Help me to forgive the unforgivable,
Even if that person is myself…

What is your Wound?

~ Daniel

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