Images of a Hospital Chaplain

It begins with a flicker... of images: A Puddle of Blood and Urine on the floor. Doctors and Nurses running, scurrying back and forth quickly, trying desperately to save a life, to bring them back from the threshold of death, to some hopefully stable and sustainable form of life. Family in the room, as the doctors compress their loved ones chest, pumping, trying to bring back life, trying to bring back breath and a heart beat. Family waiting in the hallway, crying, other times stoic like stone. They are in shock, not knowing how to feel in a crisis, perhaps emotions standing on the brink, the brink between happiness their loved one is stable and the sadness they have now passed.

Up late at night. Two calls at the same time. Two crises, deaths or codes, both on opposite ends of the hospital, sometimes on opposite campuses. Trying to be flexible, trying to be wise. Trying to divide my time evenly. Trying to take care of others, while also taking care of myself. I am no good to others if I am a mess. I am not much good to myself either...

Chaplain, tell me why there is pain, tell me why God is doing this to me? Why does suffering exist? Suffering makes me believe in God. Suffering makes me not believe in God. Why chaplain? Why? How do I go on? How do I talk to my family about my condition? How do I tell my older parents they are dying? Can you come with me as a doctor, while I go to tell them their loved one is passed? Can you say a prayer for my family member? Can you say a prayer for me? Can you leave and come back later; I am just in so much pain right now?

The worst thing, harder than most, is seeing children suffer. Staff running, trying to help their little body survive OR seeing them abused by someone older, who they trusted or who was trusted to watch them. Praying with the parents, that healing might happen, that God be with them no matter what, and that our hope remains steadfast in Christ.

And in this time... in those words. Faith. Hope. Love.

Then the images of those calls at night when there is no crisis. The ones who are anxious and cannot sleep. They have insomnia, are up from worry. I talk with them, sometimes they cry and calm, sometimes they are just needing an ear. We talk. We pray. And they begin to drift off to sleep. In a hospital, never underestimate the goodness and need of sleep and rest in the healing process. A lot goes on in the hospital. Always.

Images of sharing in people's stories, some bad and some good. I am invited to share with them these parts of who they are, every now and then sharing parts of myself as well. From these stories, suffering comes to people from all walks of life, young and old, rich and poor. The truth is, we are all frail. And we can all be rather stubborn about certain things, from relationships to being healthy.

Voices together sharing, sometimes with joyful smiles, sometimes laughter, and sometimes tears. Here crisis ministry is not the exception but the norm. I get to meet people where they are at, not trying to change them, but to be there for them. In those moments, I have a great opportunity to share my thoughts, my hopes, my faith.

Voices sharing together in prayer. Hands being held with the patient, with the family. Though we suffer, we have hope. Our hope is not here. Not in this mess. Not in our present pain. No, our hope comes from our faith, from the love of God towards us. Our hope, my hope, comes in the future glory; the new body, creation, earth. When all things are made new, places like this will not exist. My job will cease to be of need. We will be made whole. But I am fine not having a job, because God will know us. We will know God. We will be his people and he will be our God. All tears will be wiped clean. All suffering and pain. Joy, happiness, and love will remain supremely... God be praised!

~ Daniel

Modern Retelling of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10)

On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”  “What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?” He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”  “You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”  But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?” 
 – Luke 10:25-29
…

Chaplain = Hi, one of the hospital chaplains, coming to see how people are doing on the floor today. How are you doing today?

Patient = (The patient stares at me for a second and kind of grunts) How do you think I am doing? All I wanted to do was get into town to see my family and get some money… and then I end up here.

Chaplain = Oh, Tell me more.

Patient = Well, I was on my way to from the town where I live to the town where my family lives. See, my car is my only mode of transportation… and… well, it broke down. I had family in a close town but none of them could make it to me, so I decided to go to them. I mean, I needed my car repaired; otherwise I can’t get to my job.

Chaplain = So, how did you end up like this?

Patient = Don’t rush me chaplain, I will get there… I am still a little out of it, because of what has all happened, and now my injuries, and these medications… Anyway, so I was walking down the road. It is like 100 degrees outside and I was sweating so much. I was lucky to have my water and hat, but I guess it was dumb to try to walk in that heat. (Pause) I am walking and I hear a car start to come by. At first, I don’t pay any attention until I hear the brakes screech. I turn around wondering what is going on; maybe a deer ran out in front of the car or something. Then, I see a gun pointed at me.

Chaplain = A gun?

Patient = Yes, pointed right at my face. Two other guys jump out of the car and rush at me quick. I guess they knew no one was around but someone might be coming up the road sooner or later. This wasn’t rush hour, but it was still a pretty busy road… So, I stand real still and they tell me to give them my wallet. I give it to them but tell them I don’t have any money. Of course they don’t believe me, so they check and find it empty. Then their faces get really angry, full of rage, ya know? Then one of them hits me with the hilt of his gun knocking me to the ground… Then, it all gets fuzzy... I was getting beaten and I remember hearing their feet run into the car, the doors slam, and the car accelerate away. I laid there for what seems like forever. I finally was able to kinda start limping, thinking someone would see me and help me.

Chaplain = Did someone see you?

Patient = Oh, lots of people saw me… and a lot of people passed me by… Maybe they thought I was drunk or homeless or a degenerate. I was stunned and sad though.

Chaplain = Why?
Patient = Well, I think some of those were church going people.
Chaplain = Why would you think that?

Patient = Well, they had them fishes on their cars, some bumper stickers saying to “Vote for Bush” or “Don’t vote for Obama”... so, I figured they must be church going people, if they are so conservative and all. One even said something about abortion, about valuing life, which is odd considering they wouldn’t stop for my life. I didn’t feel my life was very valued at all.

Chaplain = How did that make you feel?

Patient = Well, at the time I was in so much pain. I just wanted someone to stop and someone to listen to me. Of course, now I feel confused.

Chaplain = Confused?

Patient = Yeah, aren’t those religious people supposed to be the ones who love one another, love others. Why wouldn’t any of them stop, even if I was dirty, homeless, or a degenerate? Couldn’t they see I needed help, that I was crying out for help? I think Jesus would have stopped, so why wouldn’t they?

Chaplain = (I weep for this man. I want to tell him not every religious person, nor Christian for that matter is like that, or at least they don’t want to be. Some are scared to help and others might not be paying attention. The reality is there is no excuse... and he isn’t the only one. Sometimes we seem to ignore the hurting and people in need so much every day).

Chaplain = (There is some silence and I ask) So, how did you end up getting to the hospital?

Patient = Well, that’s the craziest thing. Some guy with family close by was driving back home to see them. He was kinda flamboyant, if ya know what I mean. He had a rainbow sticker on his car... I mean, I never really liked people like that… who they are seems so dirty to me… But hey, I wasn’t going to refuse help. I had been out there for like two or three hours, no water left. I could barely walk.

Chaplain = I am glad he found you.

Patient = Me too! I don’t know what I would have done out there. I probably would have died if he hadn’t helped me… So, he pulls me out a nice cold water he had just bought at the gas station for himself. Man… that was some of the best water I had ever tasted. He had some napkins and tried to place them on some of my scrapes. Then he drives me to the hospital. He fills out what information he can, even talks with the police, and then he did something that stunned me.

Chaplain = What was that?

Patient = He pulled out his wallet and started handing the people in the ER money. I couldn’t believe it. He said he knew they had to treat me but knew I had no insurance, which was true, as I only had enough money to get by week to week. He said he wanted to pay for my bill and if it was more, to call his cell phone. I was stunned… and then he handed me a few hundred dollars and said he hoped this might help fix my car... Oh, and it will be, more than enough.

Chaplain = Wow, that all seems so intense, from the beating to this man stopping for you and treating you so well.

Patient = It is a lot. It has made me think a lot about my opinions of others. I really shouldn’t prejudge those I don’t know or agree with, especially when those I thought would help me did not.

Chaplain = Well, I am sad about your situation but glad you were saved on the road.
Patient = Me too… Chaplain, you are a religious man, right?

Chaplain = Yes
Patient = Why do you think those religious people didn’t stop to help me?

Chaplain = I don’t know. Maybe they were scared or afraid or unaware you were there.
Patient = Do you think they just didn’t care?

Chaplain = I don’t know. I hope not. I don’t think that is the kind of person Jesus was or taught his followers to be.

Patient = That is true. I guess they all aren’t bad, but they all might not be that good either, at least with following Jesus and his teachings all the time like they say.

Chaplain = How does that make you feel, that some don’t follow Jesus the way they should?

Patient = Well, I really wish they had stopped for me is all I know. I hope maybe in the future, if someone is in need and hurting, maybe they will do something different, stop for them, even if they are scared or frightened.

Chaplain = (A silence fills the room and I sense we have talked about a lot and it is time to close the visit, so I ask) Is there anything I can do for you as a Chaplain before I go today?

Patient = Well, I never have been much of a praying type, but I was saved today; so thank God for that person who saved me and treated me kind. Pray for my healing and for those who drove by me, that maybe they won’t drive past someone else next time.

Chaplain = Ok, let’s pray.

Chaplain = Dear God, you hear P crying out to you in his pain and in his thankfulness. God, I thank you for this man who came to help P in his time of need and treated him kindly, showing him concern and compassion. I pray more of us could and would be like that to others in need. God, I pray for P right now as he is in pain, please heal his wounds, both physically from his beating and emotionally form the trauma. God, please be with his doctors, staff, and nurse as they attend to P. And God, I pray for those people P saw who didn’t stop to help the, God please speak to their hearts and let what they proclaim outwardly take hold of them inwardly, and help them not ignore, be scared of, or afraid of helping someone in need. I pray these things in your name. A-men.

Patient = Thank you pastor.
Chaplain = You’re welcome and God Bless.
Patient = I think he might have already… (I hear him say softly as I leave and close the door).

In the story of the Good Samaritan, the Jewish religious leaders passed up the man but the Samaritan, a half breed (half Jewish and half Samaritan) came to his rescue. This guy who the Jews would have despised as unclean was the hero of the story. Who was his neighbor? It was the Samaritan, the guy who showed mercy and compassion. The Jews to whom Jesus was talking to would have not liked this story certainly, but Jesus was always good at making people look at their own faults and own judgments of others.

I am mad at all those religious people who passed this man up on the road, but also was mad at myself in some way. Would I have passed the man up? Would I have stopped to help him? I likely would have been sacred and thought the man was on drugs, but is that really an excuse not to show love and compassion? Certainly Jesus calls Christians to a different life, one that is not always safe but always full of love and grace toward others, even when they may be different from us. Didn’t he say love your enemies? Would that include those different? Those who are our neighbors? I hope and pray I would be as bold and daring as to show love like Jesus in a similar situation, instead of passing someone up for my own personal ease and comfort. What does doing such things say to others about Christianity? About Jesus?

 “For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’
- Matthew 25:35-40

Sometimes I think we look at how far we have come in our Christian walk but are not always aware of how far we still have to go. There is still a long road ahead for us to grow in maturity and our spiritual lives, transforming into the likeness of Christ and renewing our minds daily is an ongoing and lifelong process.

~ Daniel Brockhan

Pic:
http://www.oceansbridge.com/paintings/artists/recently-added/hgy/stefan-henrik/big/Samaritan_%28The_Good_Samaritan%29_c_1920.jpg

RE: Why Men Are Leaving the Church

The following is a reply/response from a fellow blogger named Quantumstorm:

Saturday, 03 March 2012

Where did all the Christian men go?

I read and commented on a recent post by [Daniel] which discussed why men are leaving the church. It really struck a nerve (in a good way) and gave me something to ponder when I wasn't working on midterms or writing research proposals.

I'm going to share some of my views on why more and more men are starting to leave the churches. Obviously there are many factors that can influence this trend, but here are a few that I feel are the big ones. They are based on my personal experiences, as well as the experiences of a variety of friends, male and female, who attend/serve at a variety of churches that run across the entire cultural and political spectrum.

1. Entrapment.
Men are brought up in churches to be leaders, decision-makers, and the providers. They are taught from a young age that they are meant to be strong, tough, loyal, smart, etc. They are taught, more importantly, that they are free agents, and have control over their lives because of the grace of God. Now this may not sound much like entrapment, but think of it this way... if you are taught your entire life that you're tough, and strong, and that you don't need anyone's help but God's... how would it feel to actually ASK for help? It would feel like it's the opposite of everything you've been taught. You would feel weak, vulnerable... unmanly. On the rare occasions that men are ASKED to reveal their vulnerable side, it is not seen as an aspect of their manliness... but rather, a suspension of it.

2. Scapegoating.
This is tied in with point 1. When things go wrong, we point fingers at the ones responsible and in power. When you bring up an entire generation of men, teaching them that they are responsible for everything and that THEY have the power, and when things go wrong... who do we blame? The men, duh. But what happens when things go wrong that AREN'T always in their control? We still blame them, don't we? It's "guilty until proven innocent" with men. Think about how relationship issues are viewed, for example; when we discuss the men's participation, we often question it this way:

"What can you do to better serve your wife?"
For the women, it's typically:
"How can you better communicate your needs to your husband?"
I don't think I need to explain that point further.

3. Vilification.
Let's face it - men are strongly driven by sex. Sex is important to us. Now I don't take issue with a call for chastity, and I think that's a good thing... but vilifying men for their preferences and desires is NOT something that should be a part of that. I've seen, time and time again, men shamed for having sexual preferences. "We're all beautiful on the inside!" "Why do you ignore the fat/ugly/black/white/Asian/Mexican/(insert other random types here) girls?" "Love is all that matters!" But when a woman in the congregation dumps someone because he wasn't "ambitious enough", the church not only ignores it, but in some cases, condones it. Why? Because of what I mentioned earlier with bringing up men to be the providers. If a man isn't a good provider, obviously it's HIS fault because he's in control of everything, and thus it's okay to dump the bastard. Right?

When a man cheats, he is a scumbag, a sleazeball, spineless, etc. But when a woman cheats in a congregation or parish, I've often observed that many of the women (and even other men) will make excuses for her, claiming that her man wasn't giving her enough time, or that she was "swept up" in the heat of the moment.

But wait, it gets better.

4. Sacrifice.
Men are effectively taught that their lives are defined by their sacrifices they make for others. They are, in the churches, taught that a man is defined by his actions. In other words, we have no intrinsic value except when we DO things. We highlight the example of Christ to drive this point home. Why is Christ remembered? Why is He celebrated? He's not just celebrated because He's the son of God. He is the central figure of Christianity because of His sacrifice... on the Cross. Imagine if God came to Earth as the son of a carpenter, who later grew up and did absolutely nothing noteworthy. Would we remember Him?

We do not value men until they do things. We invest in them not because they are valuable in and of themselves, but because they have the capacity to expend themselves for others. We don't care for them because of who they are but rather in terms of their contribution to society. Thus when men act in their own interests first, they are bludgeoned over the head with "Christ's example" and shamed until they comply. It's often the case that other men partake in the metaphorical bludgeoning - but when you've been indoctrinated in such a way, what else can you expect?

In summary:
We bring men up in the church, telling them that they are powerful and in control. We tell them that when things go wrong, they should take responsibility by default. We vilify men for expressing natural desires, and we indoctrinate them with teachings of self-sacrifice. We mold them into the "knights of shining armor" and then treat them as servants, begrudgingly even, because we argue that they're so "privileged" to be men.

It may have been important to raise and mold men into protectors and providers in the past, but in our allegedly "egalitarian" society, the discrepancies are becoming more and more apparent.

Most men nowadays are not knights in shining armor because they freely chose to be that way. They are knights in shining armor because they have been shamed, cajoled and forced into becoming them.

As they grow up, more and more of them are realizing the futility of the situation and are leaving the churches and congregations. Until the churches, especially in the West and in the US in particular, figure this out... men will continue to leave, and never look back.

~  Quantumstorm

Why Men Are Leaving the Church

Within the last few years, I have seen many articles (some links at the bottom of this blog) on why men, including single men, are leaving the church. Many of these blogs and articles have spoken of the feminization of the church; with flowers, plants, and other things seemingly "feminine". Among singles, I have read in most places that men are leaving the church because they are not men but boys. They do not want to man-up and take on the leadership role but would rather live with their parents, drink, and play video games. While some of these critiques may be true, I would like to offer some different ideas and perspectives.

(1) The Recession - Stereotypically, many say women deal with the issue of being seen as pretty, attractive, especially as beautiful. While men do desire to be seen as attractive, men tend to want to be told they have done a good job, provided, and been successful. In the last five years, the recession has made men feel they are failing at being men because of circumstances out of their control. Even between my graduation from seminary in 2008 and my chaplain residency in 2011, I felt I was a failure. For the man who is married, especially with children, this is something so very horrible. To be forced every day to get up and apply for jobs and/or work minimal jobs until something good comes along, if it comes along at all, is torture. When a man’s value is found in his work and success and he is fired or can’t find a job, he will recoil; move inward, as he tries to deal with all of his emotions. Yes, men do have emotions, but most do not prefer to show them and may only express these to key individuals and close friends. For the single person, this presents a problem because his equity and date-able-ness is found in his success as a person: Is this man someone who has goals, purposes, and a good job? Can be provide? See, even with equality between the sexes becoming more prominent, men are still bound up as their role as provider and leader, so when they cannot exude success, even when dating, they feel like failures. As these men feel like failures, they will seek NOT to be around others (including church), having to constantly address their situation with others (Also: Most things to do [including dating for singles] cost money: Movies, Bowling, Lunch, Dinner, etc - money these people do not have to spend).

Movie to See: "Company Men"

(2) Leadership/Headship - One thing I cannot get over is how the leadership or headship of the male is becoming an end-all to arguments and conflicts, with the man being called to fault. If the house is not cleaned, to whose satisfaction and perception is it not clean enough? Who thinks who is too lazy or not productive enough? If a couple comes in for counseling, who do we think is the problem? The truth is that marriage is about compromise and communication (and love of course), so one has to wonder who is wrong when the men never seem to be able to be up to the standard women seem to want. The real truth is both. A more rational and logical step would be to sit down and communicate together, as equals, and express desires and expectations, then find some mutual agreement. Now, understand I am speaking in stereotypes and generalizations. For too long, the man as the headship has been used to target men as the problem, how could it be otherwise when he is "in charge"? If the household is in disarray and the children have gone wild, the man was not being a good enough husband, father, and/or leader for his household. I have also experienced this as being single. I was in Sunday School once where the women started saying in a dating relationships when ladies are in too emotional, get physical, or are spiritually down; it is the man's fault because he is supposed to be the leader. They made themselves as docile, sensitive creatures, who were innocent, naive, and any problem stemmed from the man not stepping up to the plate. I present that this is causing many single men to leave the church. The church should be a safe place and I think many men feel blame because of the leader and headship role. It is ridiculous and wrong. However, if these men said something, many would just tell them they are not fulfilling their God-ordained role; so instead many men are likely to just leave the church. I propose that men and women are equals, marriage and dating are partnerships, and any submission should be both mutual and under God.

Scripture to Read: Ephesians 5

(3) Dummy Mentality - Ever hear a preacher say something like: "It is not his fault, he just doesn’t know any better" OR "You will have to forgive him, he's a man"? I propose that the church may be supporting an underlying feminism it isn’t even aware of, namely, one in which women are smart and men are dumb. It seems like when a woman does something wrong it is a mistake but when a man does something wrong it is because he is simply not smart... You can't blame him for not being as good as a woman, right? I present this as another perspective on why men are leaving the church, they simply do not like being mocked or joked about. Sure, mistakes and funny situations happen, but generalizing them and projecting those onto men, and also onto the intellect of men, instead of a mistake, is not only mean, it is degrading. How would a woman feel if someone in the pulpit said: It is not her fault, she is a woman. Wait… wasn’t this some of the old ways men spoke of women? Is it possible now there is some kind of switch taking place? How is this possible?

TV Show to See: Everybody Loves Raymond

Men Do Have Emotions, They don't like to share them...
If they do share, they want and desire a safe place...
Church currently does not seem to be that place for them.

Men want to be listened to, not just talked at...
Men want to feel heard and understood...
Church currently does not seem to be that place for them.

What do you think?
Why are men, married and single, leaving the church?
Do you think the church is (too) masculine or feminine?
What changes should be or can be done to remedy this situation?

~ Daniel

Links/Articles:

http://praisecleveland.com/discussion/edpowell/do-men-hate-going-to-church/

http://www.winnipegfreepress.com/arts-and-life/life/faith/no-men-in-the-pews-could-be-churchs-fault-102210019.html

http://churchformen.com/men-and-church/why-do-men-hate-going-to-church/

http://www.cbn.com/spirituallife/ChurchAndMinistry/menhatingchurch.aspx

http://www.christiancentury.org/article/2011-10/why-do-men-stay-away

http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0002510.cfm

http://www.boundlessline.org/2012/01/do-you-have-a-friendgirl.html