Blunt Blog: Calling?

Let's start off first by abandoning distractions, the ones we so often use that distract us from the quiet in life, the ones that we use to fill our own emptiness and procrastinate our ability to have any type of quality time for self reflection and listening to God. This blog, after all, is about calling, and if we do not have ears to hear, then we might as well have no ears at all (Jeremiah 5:21, 6:20; Ezekiel 12:2; Matthew 11:15; Acts 28:27; 2nd Timothy 4:3). So turn off your music, turn off your TV, turn off your I-pod, your video games, stop talking on your cell phone, and stop texting for just five seconds...

Well, after a few months of not having a church home I finally decided to become a member of a local church. I struggled with this, as I did before I was youth minister at VBC, not because I was unsure about the church (which is great) but because I was unsure if becoming a member meant settling, meant being comfortable and maybe never looking for another ministry job. But I figured it was time to be devoted and committed to a church and this one seems like it may really help me grow and develop. In fact, I am already likely to lead a small five-minute devotional at a basketball tournament come February.

See, my problem is I feel compelled that the only successful way to validate my calling is to be in a full-time ministry position. I have heard people say otherwise and agree on some level but it just seems like I validate myself as a minister when I am in a paid position to be honest (as do others). But is it the church who calls me? Is it the members of this or that church that should validate my calling? It is God, right? I got to seriously thinking about how many of the prophets and even Jesus were not validated in many of the “churches”. They did not fit. Perhaps I do not fit into a church ministry role or perhaps just have not found the right church? In Ecclesiastes it says there is a time to speak and a time to be quiet (1:7)... perhaps this has been my time to be quiet, to stop my babbling about me and my wants and listen to what God is saying for a change.

Currently I have no church ministry, no license, and no ordination - but do these mean I am not called? Surely not! Maybe it means these are things I need to work on, maybe it is just not time, or maybe my calling does and never will involve these things. Even my diploma, B.A., and Masters Degree sit on the floor in my apartment gathering dust (See Matthew 6:19-21). I am not as concerned with the papers as the time and quality they have put behind me. But they are merely pieces of paper and the real change has been experience and the changes in my life and heart as a person, Christian, and minister.

And in the end we are all called to do something, we are all called to different ministries, both inside and outside of the church. We have too much emphasis on the minister who preaches from the pulpit and not enough respect for the second-grade school teacher who devotes her life to children every day. We have a lot of respect and services for those who go on International Mission trips but do not show as much love to those who drive vans around town and deliver food to the homeless. Calling and Ministry are so much broader than I can imagine... than you can imagine. Calling and ministry is using your heart, your talent, your self for God.



What is your calling and ministry?

~ Daniel

Pic:
http://i61.photobucket.com/albums/h56/twodogs_photos/call.jpg
http://manacled.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/four_steps_to_hearing_your_call.jpg

Blunt Blog: Angry at God?

Ok, let’s be honest... Christianity is sometimes a difficult faith to understand much less one to live in, especially when life goes back and forth and so many people in the church give such different advice. When I wrote my "Year in Review" I said I trust God and he has provided, and while I totally agree with that… the other side of those thoughts are the ones I keep down deep, the ones perhaps we all keep down deep. Not to say that God doesn’t care or doesn’t exist but does he directly affect my life in the way so many of us seem to think.

In the church we say that those devoted to God will see blessings, most of which may or may not be financially. But it is hard not to see being blessed by God in relation to money when your family is in need or when you yourself are seeing bills pile up. Is God more faithful when he provided and we barely get by or when money seems to magically appear? I know people who got funds for college from unknown sources and rejoiced about how much God blessed them by them not being in debt, so has God not blessed me because I find myself with a huge amount of student loan payments? It makes you wonder sometimes because people would tend to thank God more for someone who received money and was never in debt than the person who is in debt and is still surviving.

It also makes you wonder who has more faith. Is it the person who landed on park place or the one who landed on someone else’s property? Does it take more faith to receive a sum of money and be free of debt or does it take more faith to continue trusting God through the process of paying your debts? It seems like the latter requires that one be in constant communication with God while the other may begin with thankfulness but may not end with the person continuing to perceive God as deeply as they should. I suppose it goes back to the question Jesus answered about rich people and the Kingdom of God.

I suppose I am just frustrated and while it may seem like I am trying to say I am more spiritual that rich people because I am in debt... I am actually wondering if a person like me can be angry at God. Am I angry simply because I do not have extra money? Am I worried because if something happens I would be broke in five seconds? Am I worried because I trust more in the dollar than in the providence of God? I think what worries me the most is the thought that I suppose I am a pretty faithful guy and I trust God but it begins to get under your spiritual skin when you wait for so long pursuing jobs, ministry or otherwise; and find yourself stuck in the same spot you were in and simply cannot find a way out. Doesn’t God promise he will provide? Why not a better job? Why not help me in interviews or even in friendships when I feel introverted and wish I could at least be perceived as more extroverted so I can get a good job or make friends easier and not be glanced over because I am not charismatic enough?

What do you think about being angry at God?
Have you ever felt that way? When/Why?

~ Daniel

Pic:
http://meignorant.com/files/images/angry_kid_playing_chess.jpg

http://www.christianitytoday.com/biblestudies/questions/theology/angrywithgod.html
http://www.hopeforfamily.org/godandanger.html

2009: My Year in Review

Its late, its new years, I am dot-sitting for my friend Nathan, and I have been pondering this past year a lot. it has been my first year on my own and my first year since I graduated and have lived outside of college/grad school life, which is so different from working and paying bills - especially with the added hassle of paying off student loans.

I started this year from a strong place of pain and sorrow. I had just graduated and was not sure about what I was supposed to do. Of course I was supposed to gradate and magically get a full-time youth job but that is not what happened and still is not what has happened but God has provided for me in many different ways and through many different avenues.

I started off frustrated trying to find a job during the week besides my part-time youth ministry job for one. I had no job during the week and bills to pay for about a month and a half and was thankful for the few good friends and also people from VBC at the time who prayed for me and helped me out when I needed it. Subbing was ok but I needed something more consistent and when the summer started coming I was starting to get angry, anxious, and frustrated - then I got a job working in retail. Sure not my best choice but something.. every other place turned me down usually because I was overqualified (if I even got an interview at all).

Then this past summer I had to leave my first ministry position at VBC where i was youth minister. There were any reasons for me leaving but my utmost concern was that I leave because God was telling me to and because it was what I needed to do - not because of money, not because maybe sometimes I felt a bit burnt-out, but because I was sure it was right. About the same time I got a clue on a job my friend had who was quitting at the HSU library, so I picked up that job. Between the two jobs I finally had enough to pay my loans and God was providing.

The last few months have been rough for me again. I have had a lot of payments to make, rent is going up, and now my graduate and undergraduate loans are consolidated and I have to start paying those on top of my private loans I already pay. Added to this my hours in retail have been getting cut a lot and I really need some full-time job during the day - and something that pays more than min wage. But I try to remember that God has provided this past year and will continue to provide in this coming year. He has been faithful ,and will continue to be faithful and provide, even if it is not always how we expect.

I have also learned a lot this past year about friendships and relationships. I started out pretty rocky in this area in 2009 because I was coming off of a time the previous summer when i liked a girl. We only went on one date but were pretty good friends before we went out. Then after we went out and she decided she only wanted to be friends and our friendship began to subside and really we don't talk to one another much at all anymore. For a while I tried to keep up but it is just too much to always be that person, especially when your feelings of friendship (or in any relationship) don't seem to be reciprocated.

I don't have many close friends anymore... My only close friend is Nathan, my best friend in town, who has been such an awesome friend and blessing from God to me during this time. I thank God for a friend that helps me out and who i can help. a friend who is married yet treats me as an equal and ask my opinion. A friend who calls me up and ask me to hang out instead of me always having to be the one initiating the friendship. It is a reciprocal friendship and I am learning that these types of friendships and very rare in life and if you have one you should feel lucky and blessed.

Honestly, I don't know what 2010 has for me. I know I have more loans to pay, rent has gone up, and I got side-swiped by an old lady and lost my drivers-side mirror the other day, lol. Sure I wish I could find a ministry job in a church that can pay enough for me to live, allow me to be a part of a community and team to reach those not saved and disciple those who are.... but it will come in time or God will provide in some manner. In all this I remember God is with me, that there is hope, that there is more to life than we see... and that the God who has been faithful and has provided will continue to provide.

And to my brothers and sisters in the faith....

I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. - Philippians 1:3-6

~ Daniel

PC:
http://blog.blacknight.com/images/happy-new-year-2009.jpg

No Reservations

I was thinking earlier today about friendships and how many times it seems like it takes so much work, sometimes to go almost nowhere at all. Along with trying to sort through everyone’s schedules to find some time to connect one might wonder if all of this work seems kinda in vain. Sometimes I wonder if the people on the other side are toying with me, playing some sort of game. That does seem rather cruel and probably not even likely but still slithers in there as a doubt that rises up every now and then. Maybe they are going through their list of other friends, ones they would rather hang out with before they contact me because everyone else is busy. Then the darkest thought, the one that we bury really deep-down is the thought that all the juggling is a mirage, that the truth is that they are either too busy or not that interested in hanging out with us.

I think the reason I hide from this last one is because it means we are being rejected, sure sometimes personalities don’t work but I don’t think most people give others enough tries or enough time to truly see what is under the cover of the book (or hood for those car enthusiast out there). Sometimes people judge others based on the trailer when the movie is so much better and longer. Sure it takes longer to get to the good parts and the sad parts seem long, but the story has depth and age and is real because it is not something summed up in a snap of your fingers, real life is hard and sometimes dirty and the best we can do is to put in the work and hope maybe, just maybe we will find long-lasting and genuine friends, friendships not based on distance or even a lot of commonalities but based on the fact that we know one another and have some sort of history with one another - ones that last a long time instead of just dying after one fight, one awkward moment, or distance when one moves.

The thing for me is I am inclined to be more introverted than extroverted, so for me to reach out takes a lot of work and after so many times if I feel I am getting the run-around I will just stop, it becomes too much work emotionally for me to try to carry the friendship on my back, to always be the one to initiate conversations or get-togethers.. I feel if the person really cared they would put some effort in the friendship pot as well... I think reciprocal friendships are the best. You know, the kind where if a friend is busy they tell you we will meet up next week or they call you to see what’s up... the kind of friends who will drop things and try to have time with you, even if it is only for a little while at least, because a little is better than nothing at all. I tire of the friends who are only friends on their own terms: when they want to hang out, when they are bored, when they have nothing better to do, and randomly contact you out of the blue and start up like old friends again. I am still nice and cordial but there is almost a fakeness to those friends, maybe something deeper below the surface that you cant see, maybe something they haven’t dealt with themselves.

All of this got me thinking about my relationship with Christ and how he is always there for me when I need him... and how often I am not there for Him. People think devoted Christians (or ministers and priests) always have quiet times reading the bible and praying but this is not always true. I find in my life I go through flows of being constantly in-tune with God and in his word and praying and then other times where that part of my life for some reason goes completely silent, it becomes empty, and I am reminded of a friend I have been forgetting.

God is always there for us, as if he has a table set every time at every moment and is waiting for us to come to Him, to come before the feet of the Creator of the world. Like a Father he just wants to know what is going on in our lives and like a friend he wants us to know he will always be there for us. The problem is we are always calling God (or texting Him) again and saying, “I have other things to do, I am busy, I will get back to you once I finish a paper, once I study for a test, when I am not so tired, when I am not hanging out with other people, when I am done with his show or movie or concert or dinner.” We have tons of excuses, the same ones we give and get from others all the time; the ones that frustrate us the most… only we set these before God. Can you imagine the look on his face as he reads the message? How should he respond: Should he text you that it is “ok”, “hopefully we can get together soon then”, or maybe silence is better... maybe just his action of daily availability should be enough to show us how much He cares - and how very little we seem to care.

Remember this, never forget this - with God you need No Reservations. You do not have to ask Him if He is available, there is no need to worry about rejection, for God is always there waiting.. and waiting.. waiting for us to finally come to Him, to finally change our life and habits, to rid self of these sinful and evil things and sit with him a while and feel the peace that comes with being in the light of his glory and grace, to be reminded in that time of his Son who died for our sins, and help us put life in the right perspective once again.

~ Daniel

MORE: Table for two story and study
http://nashpublications.com/biblestudies/QuietTime.pdf

Pic:
http://www.stephenbergstrom.com/images/Table-for-Two-detail.jpg