Family Life: A Spiritual Discipline?

For the last few years I have been working through a mammoth of a book called "Family Ministry" by Diana Garland. The book is very thought-provoking and is 600 pages long.

In her book, Garland stated that in Christendom past people began to consider the Monastic lifestyle as spiritual. This lifestyle consisted of solitude, reading of scripture, prayer, and a pulling way (from society, from our wants and needs, self-denial, etc.). Garland suggests that in our busy lifestyle, the church is doing a disservice to its members when they make them feel guilty about their spirituality (or rather lack of “involvement” in their spirituality or in the church).

I agree with Garland. As a youth I was very involved in church but I did not have a lot on my plate, but I find as I grow older I do not spend as much time in intentional solitude, prayer, and scripture reading as I did in the past.

Garland suggested that family life in and of itself is a spiritual discipline, because one has to reorder their life, make sacrifices, all the while trying to become and help others become more like Christ. Therefore, instead of growing and maturing spiritually through solitude, families do it through their actions and interactions with their families and with others.

I added the "with others" there. My one critique of Garland is that while she states between 25% to 33% of the church are single (in some form); she still tends to uses the word family. This is not “bad”, but some, like me, do not have a family of their own. They are the single. For them, friendships and church becomes their family, not a replacement of their biological family (though that may be) but a intermediary family when they are far from home or miss that feeling of home.

I would counter that as much as family is a spiritual disciple, so is being single. Though I desire to have a wife and kids, my priority is Christ. I feel in many ways that while others learn and grow spiritually in family, singles learn and grow in isolation, it makes us know Christ in his own suffering of being single, having his disciples being his community, his family away from his parents. It makes me think how others must have thought of Jesus, a grown man with no wife or children of his own. What is wrong with him? Why can't he find anyone?

I believe being single has made me in-tune with those who are outcaste, not the norm, and instead of trying to change them, I accept them. I want to know who they are, to be invited into their story, into their life, with all its ebb and flow. I do not connect with them to suggest they should be something else but rather to connect with them on a deeper level.

People suggest that only those who are married or have children know unconditional love, but that is not true. I have friendships so deep I would lay down my life for them, I weep when they weep. I smile when they smile. I feel them even when they are far away, even when we lose touch. I have brothers and sisters in Christ, and no time or distance separates me from them, for that bond is eternally unbreakable.

So my suggestion is that instead of family as a spiritual discipline or single as a spiritual disciple, that we use the term community as a spiritual discipline, for as we know one another, as we get close and interact, as we cry, shedding tears or as we laugh, shedding smiles... we mature and grow closer to Christ Jesus.

As iron sharpens iron,

So one person sharpens another.

-Proverbs 27:17

~ Daniel Brockhan

Weight (Pics) Though the Years

Some people have been curious to see pictures of my weight through the years (and recent weight loss), from where I was to where I am. Blessings to each of you, especially those on a similar journey to lose weight, exercise, and eat healthier.

Also see:
Weight Loss, Self-Denial, and Deeper Spirituality

I am going to add to this and update it later as I continue to progress (Last Updated: April 2013).

2001:























2004:

2005:

2006:

2007:

2008:

2009:

2012: Weight 325-295

2013: Weight 295-262

More to Come!

~ Daniel Brockhan

Willing to Move Far: Surprising Others, Surprising Myself

I think many people, family and colleagues, have been surprised by my willingness to interview and potentially move from Texas to places like California or New York. Don't you want to stay in Texas? I hear them say. I don't really know how to answer that question. It seems like right now in my life, what I want geographically just does not matter. Sure, I would like to stay in Texas.. but even staying in Texas does not guarantee I will stay by family or good friends.

In fact, as much as I don’t mind being in Lubbock, my closest friends here have been my co-workers, who have been deep friends with me in my ministry last year and this year. I have found friendships at church as well, but unlike in Houston, Marshall, or Abilene, so far no best friends have surfaced. And the amazing thing is I survived my move here from Abilene to Lubbock... and I have grown so much. I am farther from friends and family than I have ever been. It was hard. But I have grown leaps and bounds, for the better.

Actually, for a while I did plan on just staying in Texas, and who knows, I might still. Until I get a job, not just interviews, it is really all up in the air. But yes, at first thinking of moving so far was difficult for me, but the thought of staying and taking some job that did not fulfill me really worried me. Before I came to Lubbock I worked two jobs, about 55-60 hours per week and made basically nothing. I was wearing myself out to survive and was barely able to pay bills. If I can avoid that, I will do it at all costs.

I would also really like to pay off as many of my student loans in the next 5-10 years as possible. I am fine living simplistic. I really enjoy renting and being single helps. I have no problem with living the way I have so I may actually be able to pay off all my student loan debt (with a better paying and professional ministry job) in those 5-10 years.

However, not all of this is financial; some of it is intellectual and spiritual. Intellectually, when I was working retail, I knew everyday I was not using my gifts and talents. I did learn how the other side lives and it did afford me the opportunity to meet different people who were not in my "Christian Bubble"; however, I longed so deeply to do ministry. I long for that now. I long for it more than staying in Texas.

Lastly, I think of Abraham, who moved to a foreign land, far away from what he knew. It was what was needed at the time. Moving far away may be what I need. People ask me: How will you know it is God's will? I think of God's will as generally open and sometimes specific, which means as a Christian I am compassionate towards others, as an religious professional I seek out all open and potential doors to serve, and as a person, that God wants good things for me, but I must also do some work. And yet, somehow, after I have moved or gone through a time of trial, in hindsight, I am often able to see God's plan unfolding, but I do not think God articulates and plans every second of our life beforehand. I think God is with us, guiding us, rejoicing and mourning with us through our times of triumph and struggle.

So, I suppose I have surprised some of my family and friends by being open to moving so far away... and the truth is I surprise myself too. A few years ago I would have been too stuck in fear to move so far, but moving to Lubbock and learning more about myself, I know that no matter where I am that God is with me and I will always be connected with my dear friends and family. God bless you all and prayers are appreciated. It brings me much peace facing such a change to be washed in the prayers of the saints, the prayers of my dear family and friends.

~ Daniel Brockhan

Weight Loss, Self-Denial, and Deeper Spirituality

A year ago I decided to change myself for the better, though exercising, eating healthier, and losing weight. In addition to losing fifty pounds this past year, I have begun to have a different relationship with food. I have noticed how intense some of my cravings can get, especially during times when I am bored or stressed.

I knew some people had a negative relationship with food, but I never really considered that I had that problem as well. However, in the last two weeks with multiple call backs for future employment and five job interviews, I noticed my anxiety went up and it was a lot harder to control my impulse to splurge. This made me think about how we look at food in this country. Is it something to nourish us, to help us have happy and healthy lives? Or is food more of a way for us to enjoy ourselves, to seek pleasure in the bite.

For so long I ate whatever I wanted. I was never eating a lot but the food I chose to eat was not good for me. The food I ate tasted good, so my mind and my senses were told "This taste good! Give us more of that!" This got me thinking this week about the connection between food, weight, and our spiritual life. I think sometimes we slip on the rules, not realizing the rules and boundaries of faith are not chains but ways to help us life happy and healthier lives, while also making us closer to our Creator, self, and those around us.

When we indulge in our temporary pleasure or satisfaction, which we call sin, we are not thinking long term. We are not thinking about the affects it will have on us, others, or our relationship with God. We are not thinking about how much we may regret those decisions in the future. When we indulge in sin, our flesh desires more and more, our senses and our past experiences have told us that those things taste good despite the fact those things weigh us down and burden us.

Pondering about all these things this week has made me curious: Why do we not fast more in the United States? Are you aware that in most other nations, fasting is a regular spiritual discipline for most Christians? Perhaps this speaks to our overindulgence of things here in the states. Perhaps it speaks to our overabundance which signifies our lack of simplicity. Perhaps it showcases our desire to get pleasure fast, only worrying about the present while neglecting our happiness and livelihood into the future.

Might there be things we can fast from, where even once a week or a month it could positively affect our lives? What about fasting from food, television, movies, smart phones, cell phones, or one of the many other hurried and habitual things we do in our lives, taking no time to ask why we do these things or if they are good for us.

Maybe it is time to reassess some things. Maybe that is what fasting is all about, self-denial... and in that self denial we grow to know God, others, and self in a more profound way.

Do you think America over consumes?

Do you think you over consume? How so?

What do you think about the disciple of fasting?

Have you ever fasted? If so, how and why?

Like. Share. Comment. Discuss.

~ Daniel Brockhan