Michael's Sacred Story: On Forgiveness and Moving Forward

Michael* came into the hospital with breathing problems. He had similar problems when he was a child but now in his forties is seeing them resurface. Through the course of our visits, Michael admitted that his medical problems were a consequence from his years of drug and alcohol abuse, that he had been addicted for years.

Michael has a girlfriend who is supportive of him, as well as a family who stands behind him but does not help him continue in his addictions. While Michael has been drug-free for years, he is just a month sober after previous years of going without alcohol.

Though he has faith, Michael says he has not been to church in a while but it is something that he sees now he needs to do as he has been thinking about his life during this time. We also spoke about his dependency on drugs and alcohol as a way to escape, to deal with anxiety and stress. Michael desires to pursue productive ways of dealing with life; yet admits his default is to turn back to drinking.

We also talk for a while about forgiveness, because one day he asks me to pray that God and others forgive him. He tells me he feels that perhaps God is punishing him and I ask him if he feels he deserves to be punished. At this thought he cries and says part of him does, for all the horrible things he did in the past and the way he use to live.

I speak to him, stating that there are consequences for our actions, but God’s arms are always open to him, waiting for him to come back fully from the life he once lived. While he is currently living his life as someone who defines himself by his horrible past, God offers him a better future, one with goodness and meaning. This does not mean he will not face the possible physical consequences on his body from his past use, but it does mean he can live better moving forward.

Michael cries a little during our visits, shedding tears for all those past atrocities in his life; but part of me cannot help thinking he also sheds tears that God, after all the things he has done, would still love someone like him.

On Friday, before the weekend, we meet one last time. He is more peaceful now and doing better, likely going home soon. We have conversed multiple times about his past, his resources, and options that can help him to get better. He knows in his mind the good he needs to do but it remains his choice if he will pursue the right course for his life.

We pray together and I ask strength, wisdom, and perseverance for him during this time. As I leave I say another personal prayer by myself that God may help this man put actions to his thoughts and words; that he may finally be free of the past that so easily entangled him and is so hard for him to leave behind.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us – Hebrews 12:1 9 (NIV)

~ Daniel Brockhan

* Information has been changed to protect patient privacy.