My Prayer

When I see the hurt and desperation of my brothers and sisters, it truly pains me too see the suffering and confusion many of them feel. Some of them are Christians merely trying to struggle against their sin and themselves, while others are fighting against the world, against those who find Christianity with a nasty taste in their mouth. Still, there is another section of my family that burdens me… these are my brothers and sisters in ministry, from those teaching and leading programs to those who are volunteer, paid, part-time, and full-time staff. I see the pain they go through, the hurt that comes with such positions in the church. I see the risk they take when they go into a church or continue to be in these situations, many times it is because they feel the call of God to continue to persevere, to minister to those in the church who might even have it out for them, who feel they are unqualified, or some other quarrel with them. I am not talking about those ministers who are prideful or arrogant, but those who are honestly trying to do God’s will, who seek God with their heart and sometimes get that heart crushed by the things, secret and open, that happen within the church walls, from people called “Christian”.

The only hope for such pain though is Christ himself, and with such an example, many times the minister gives of themself, sacrifices themselves for the sake of the bigger picture, so that instead of creating disunity, unity is created and the hope that with this humble approach God might use the situation and make something good out of something that has caused pain.

Romans 12: 9-16
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

Lord, I pray for those who are hurting, for those who are suffering and in pain. I pray for those who feel alone, who have anxiety, stress, worry, and depression. I pray that you give these people peace and rest somehow. I pray that you ease their burdens and help in guiding them to find balance in their lives, to find purpose and meaning that stems from your Holy Spirit’s guidance. I pray that you give them and myself wisdom to discern your will, that you would guide our ways and help us to not sway from your presence. I pray that we would continue to seek you in all aspects of life, not just the ones that are obviously spiritual, but the ones that are the every day. May you be the core that defines us, so that we no longer define self by our weaknesses or insecurities but by Your name and the strength we gain from being close to You, close to Your presence, and filled with Your good word.

Mostly, I pray that we would encourage one another instead of judging, that we would hear one another instead of talk at one another, that we would love one another instead of hate or hurt one another. May we be a light in the darkness instead of adding to the darkness already at work in this world. May we look toward your good future and seek ways to make aspects of that known presently, today, so that others will see us and know you are God, not because of who we are in ourselves but who we are in Christ alone.

Matthew 5:3-11
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. "Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.

~ Daniel

Pic:
http://www.buddymartin.net/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/teddys-prayer-print-c10054978.jpg

Finding Home...

Finding home... finding your core, your center, that place that refreshes and revitalizes you, that gives your soul comfort and is the place you would rather be than anywhere else. Since I have graduated high school, I have been looking for my own home. While I was in college it was still very much my hometown of Houston in my heart. I would love to go back and become refreshed from time with my family and friends; yet as I moved through college I would catch myself referring to Marshall as my home, the place where I studied religion and met some awesome friends. Still, I knew it could not be my home because I would graduate soon and have to leave... and all my friends would leave as well... Sometimes that is just how life seems too be, that we are moved by our circumstances and not moving ourselves, and that some uncontrollable force is at work. When we believe that force to be God, we might find peace; while other times the seeming loss of control over ones life and confusion in making decisions going forward makes us wonder if it is God or fate.. Or are the two connected???

All this brings me to my current predicament. In my last blog/note/post, I stated that I was beginning to find some peace; yet I still found/find myself going back and forth between a peace that God will provide and that I must make a decision, choose something, some road to follow, to help me guide my way through the fog in life, even if it is all just in my mind. When I first got to Abilene, I thought for sure I would want to leave when I graduated, that three years here in this small city would be enough, then I would move on to some ministry in a medium church and be the "man/minister I am supposed to be". However, what I have learned about life is that it rarely works out the way we think or plan. I have been so consumed with asking God where I should go, that I do not know if I ever asked him if I should stay... If he would let me stay perhaps... See, over the last few years, especially the last year - I have begun to feel Abilene to be my home in many ways. For the first time in a while I have developed friendships that I consider true and genuine and have pleasantly surprised me. However, I have been somewhat angry at God in some way too, because it always seems like just when I make close friendships, he calls me elsewhere... I must then leave those great friendships and begin again. This has been my life since I left for college and I find the prospect of repeating it again once graduating with my Masters to be unwanted.

If God is a God or relationships... If I have grown so much while in this place... If I have friendships that I value and wish not to be taken from... Does God care? I am beginning to think that he does care very deeply about me, my need for community, my need to receive and offer friendship, and my need to grow as a minister through his process and not my own, not what people say the process should be. God will make me a minister and a man of God in his time and mine, as I struggle back and forth with Him, learning what it means to be a person, a Christian, and the minister God has called me to be wherever I am. I have decided... or at least I am going to shoot too stay in Abilene, this small great town after I graduate. I do not think God is done with me yet in this town and do not feel right now him calling me elsewhere. This decision has not been easy. Deciding the road for ones future never is... but I thank my deepest friends for being there for me in prayer and laughter, peace and worry, pain and joy.

Jacob, my friend from way back, though you live far way and we only talk sometimes, your humor and love for God always helps me see life the real way, not some cliché version that society or the church may put out there for me too see. Nathan, who though married, finds time to hang out and eat lunch each week with a single guy like me as we discuss things about life, ministry, our passions, our beliefs, and those ironic and funny things that seem to happen to us in life. Grant, my friend from college who I call my brother and though we may not hang out or talk like we use too, I know I am in your prayers and you are in mine as well. Mandi, whom I only met this past spring and has been an utter joy to be around, especially with our similar taste in movies and love for the game UNO.. ha ha. Katy, who more recently entered my circle of friends and shares my enjoyment of writing stuff online, maybe sometimes too openly (ha ha) and is more encouraging than she knows. And my most recent friend addition Ed, who started seminary this summer and though younger than me has a realistic and pragmatic wisdom that helps give perspective on things, even if we may not agree 100%. These friendships have helped me in so many ways... they provide me with a community of both thought and laughter, a way to feel helped and helper, and a great valve to release the stress that comes in life.

Finding your core,
Your center,
That place that refreshes
And revitalizes you,
That gives your soul comfort
And is the place you would rather be than anywhere else...

Find Friendships...
And perhaps you have Found Home...

~ Daniel

Pic:
http://static.howstuffworks.com/gif/home-sweet-home-quilt-block-3.jpg

Awake

If there is one thing I have noticed in life, it is that being comfortable is not an acceptable way to live. As a Christian I find that God usually wishes to begin stretching me in new and different areas about the time I am comfortable in one place. Sometimes this is spiritually, emotionally, or intellectually – but during these times I am stretched I am also going through stress, the stress and tension that comes with growth that comes with changing, transforming, and maturing into a more efficient human, and a more importantly, a more efficient worker in the Kingdom of God.

The last few months have been something of a whirlwind in my life, with so many things going on it sometimes was almost too much to handle mentally. Some nights I got less sleep because I would stay up thinking about things and solution or actions or inaction's I should take. Sometimes my stomach would begin to churn from the worry, from the confusion, from my inability to make any significant change now. When all one believes they can do is wait, it takes some time to be at peace in that context; yet sometimes that is our calling as Christians, to wait on the Lord.

In the past, I had the tendency to wait, to say no to things that seemed like they would be too much for me. However, now things seem to be changing to some extent. I do things that stretch me, though I know they will make me uncomfortable. I do things despite myself... and I suppose this is an answer to my past prayers for more boldness and courage in my life, as a person and as a Christian. I do not say this to be prideful but to say that as a person who is not usually comfortable up front, God is pushing me ever-forward. So, now my conundrum is the waiting process… I am graduating in December and really do not know what is going to happen. The last month this troubled me much, but now I am feeling much more at peace with things. We always want answers from God but maybe sometimes we are asking the wrong questions, maybe we are trying to be reasonable when God is calling us to think unreasonably, to see with his heart and mind and not our own.

Growth is hard, that is why teenage years can be so hard, so much is going on mentally and physically and emotionally – trying to keep up with everything can be challenging… and so I am at a point in my life where I am being challenged once again, being stretched, being changed. I am not the same boy I was in high school, not the same guy I was in college, and no longer the same man I was when I started graduate school. Life is changing me, God is changing me... and I believe though I am struggling, that this change is for the best, and maturity only comes through such times. I pray that those are struggling would look at those struggles as a challenge, something to produce a wonderful change, not something to bring us down.

Life is a journey to be lived,
It stretches us and comforts us,
Challenges us and other times makes us laugh.

The Lord be with You!
~ Daniel

Pics:
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http://community412.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/2007/08/31/bible_and_coffee_cup.jpg