Book Review: Love Wins by Rob Bell

A few years back I heard a lot of outcry about a book called The Shack by William Paul Young. A lot of the shock was that the author would write such things about who God, the Holy Spirit, and Jesus are or could be in comparison to our ideas and our conceptions of the scriptures. I ventured to read the book and came on the other side feeling confused, because to me his book seemed similar to books by C.S. Lewis called The Screwtape Letters and The Great Divorce. While I did not agree with the author on everything, I respected his thought process and writing, along with the fact he was not trying to do systemic theology (or theology at all really) but write a book that pointed out our misconceptions about God and left room for the mysterious aspects of God and of Christianity. His imagination led him to a circumstance to struggle and then he met with God in the woods, but in a way he never would have expected.

I bring up The Shack to contrast what I thought of Love Wins by Rob Bell. While the author of The Shack was not trying to do any kind of systemic theology, Rob Bell does... well, sort of... I get the feeling Bell tries to leave the reader with the feeling that any holes are part of the love and mystery of God, but I found a lot of the holes in his thinking to be poor interpretation and commitment to his writing and thoughts. It is not so much that the book is bad (maybe poor), but I think it is just incomplete. Bell never answers nor really speaks to the tough questions, and the only conclusion a logical reader could make is he believes in Universalism (the belief that all will be saved), which is why this book, like The Shack, got a lot of attention. Both books were controversial but I think this book is more dangerous.

Dangerous? I know, strong words, right? First, Bell does use the Greek or Hebrews but only in small bits where and when he thinks he will benefit from using them, never even considering how they may be used elsewhere against his argument. Bell never even suggests that believing in hell can still be a valid argument in Christian circles. Bell claims that the gospel is freedom and not constraint (Freedom for all, not merely those who believe). He claims that any God that would send people to hell and punish them for all eternity is not a loving God, and therefore, not a God he would nor does believe.

Rob Bell makes no mention that there are a vast amount of Christians who believe that God neither sends people to hell nor punishes them personally, but that we send ourselves. I think this is a valid argument, because I believe going to hell is based on the rejection of Jesus, the rejection of the gospel message and the light and truth of God that Jesus came to show.

Certainly, there may be some people who never hear about Jesus. What happens to those people? I believe God will judge them as he sees fit, in truth I don’t have an answer, but I don’t think it is as easy as saying they will all simply go to heaven or they will simply all go to hell. Multiple times in scriptures God says he judges without partiality (Lev. 19:15; Deut. 1:16-17; 10:16-18; 16:18-20; 2nd Chron. 19:6-7; Mal. 2:8-9; 1st Tim. 5:20-11), so what that judging means for those that have never heard about God and his son Jesus Christ, I am not sure... but I am skeptical to jump into Universalism as Bell does in his book or to say they all go to hell.

Plainly, there are descriptions of hell in scripture. Bell tries to explain some of them away by saying that the references of Jesus were about literal images of trash heaps outside the city and that Jesus was not using the trash heaps outside the city as an image or metaphor for the hardship and suffering in hell. This is my second problem with Bell: His use of scripture. I have spoken about how he uses the Greek and Hebrew to benefit his argument but says nothing about how they might go against some of his thoughts as well. The way Rob Bell uses scripture reminds me of another book where the author would use (some may say twist) scripture to his purpose. While I did like the book Wild at Heart by John Eldredge, Eldredge at times used scripture in a way that disturbed me:

The Lord is a warrior;

the Lord is his name. - Exodus 15:3

Eldredge Says:

Man is a Warrior;

man is his name.

(You can tell why that bothered me) But Eldredge forgets:

“Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing. - Matthew 23:37

My problem is that while I do agree men have a tendency in the way we were created to be masculine and strong, even by the words of Christ, we have places where images of nurturing and caring come alongside, giving us a more complete image of God, and of ourselves, male and female.

Similarly, I think there are many more complexities that Bell glances over in his book. (1) He never plainly says he believes in Universalism but alludes to this. (2) He only plainly says hell exists here because of sin (abuse, murder, greed, etc.). He seems to allude to the fact that there may be a literal hell but it is more like what one would think of purgatory. However, instead of working and suffering because of ones sins, it is a place where everyone is held until the love of God finally overwhelms them and they decided to become part of the Kingdom of God. (3) Bell's conception of heaven is also fluid, as he says the city of heaven has gates, so while people may come into the city from the maybe hell/purgatory, those who rebel in heaven may also leave. Which begs the question: If God's love is so wonderful to accept someone from hell/purgatory and they can come into heaven, why in the world would someone in heaven reject or rebel against God? If this is the case, it seems that sin and evil have not been erased in the end and humanity is still struggling to be with God and for God to be with his people (Rev. 21:1-5).

Overall, this book great for debate. It is a quick read, mostly because Bell spaces every one phrase to every three sentences, otherwise the book would likely only be 75-100 pages. I believe it is also short because Bell does not complete his arguments nor really answers any arguments from the other side, except to say how wrong and judgmental and non-freeing they are for believing in the concept of hell. For the ease of reading and alluding to his point of Universalism, I give it 4 out of 5; however, for poor theology and use of interpretation and debate, I give Love Wins a 3 out of 5.

Have you read the book? What were/are your thoughts?

What are your thoughts of heaven, hell, and purgatory?

What are your thoughts on Universalism?

Next up, I will be reading Francis Chan's Book in contrast to Bell's book called Erasing Hell.

~ Daniel Brockhan

Books:

Love Wins by Rob Bell

The Shack by Paul Young

Wild At Heart by John Eldredge

The Screwtape Letter by C.S. Lewis

The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis

Erasing Hell by Francis Chan

Above Picture Taken from another Article about Love Wins:

God Wins: A Critique of Rob Bell's Love Wins by: Patrick Zukera

Being Poor in the Church

By writing this I do not claim to be “poor” myself, but in the two previous years before becoming a resident hospital chaplain, I did live paycheck to paycheck. I tried to save but it always seemed like something would happen. My car would need a repair. My auto insurance would be due. My rent would go up; gas and food would go up. I felt like I could not win, could not better myself.

In the church where I grew up and later in anther church where I had my first ministry job, we did this thing called Pot-Luck Sunday (Sometimes more lucky than others *wink wink*). Actually, every fellowship was either provided by the church or included members bringing their own food. It was not required for everyone to bring food, but it was known everyone was invited to come and have a good time.

It wasn’t until I was attending a mid-sized to large church that I came across the fellowship meal that required the purchase of a meal/ticket. At the time I was attending a small group bible study and was off early from another job, so I had time to go. I believe it was some High attendance Sunday fellowship meal, but I was mostly concerned with having some fellowship and a good time. I remember standing in the line and getting to the front where a person was taking money. They asked me for money and I didn’t have any. I didn't even know I was going to need to pay. I don’t carry cash on me much anymore, but at the time I really didn’t have any extra money anyway (As said previously, I was living paycheck to paycheck). Luckily, one of the people in my small group was close by and decided to help pay for me so I could join in the meal and fellowship. I suppose I would not have been bared from the fellowship, just the food, but that was the first time I became aware of this type of fellowship meal and the possible dividing line it creates.

I remember a few years later attending other churches and have seen similar things. People buy tickets so they can be part of the fellowship meal. If you cannot buy a ticket, you cannot come. Now, I realize if the person truly wanted, they could likely call up the church and get a scholarship, but imagine doing that every time there was a fellowship meal. Wouldn’t you feel odd having to be paid for? Wouldn’t you feel odd not being able to provide for yourself and having others pay for you? And I haven’t even mentioned how this could be for a family who is struggling, especially a single-parent family. Would you be more likely to ask for help or just not attend? Think of all those people, who want to come, but simply cannot afford to come. They are not going to make a fuss, so as the church we will never know how many people we are unwittingly turning away from the church, making them know they are separate and different from the rest of us.

 Let's Go Even Deeper...

I wonder about this when churches put on dinners for the poor for Thanksgiving or buy presents and dinners for people who cannot afford them at Christmas time. Of course I give, but in the back of my mind, to me it separates us from them, doesn’t it? Why can we not invite a second family to our Christmas table? Why can we not have them over for dinner? Is it because we like our holiday a certain way? It is because we might feel a bit awkward unwrapping our new expensive I-Phone or I-Pod or Laptop while the mother of the poor family only gets some cash or a $50 gift card or some clothes that someone else picked out and bought?

I am not saying these things as if I know all the answers and I am certainly not immune to self-criticism. No, I say these things to myself as well. I want to be a better Christian, a better Christ follower. And the love of Christ compels me forward. The Scriptures bid me listen and learn. The early church and that great cloud of witnesses tell me to serve and love and share, instead of take and separate and hoard. Whether we like it or not, there is a great divide. I don’t know what the answer is... I really do not, but I believe if we are not aware of what is going on... If we are not even asking any questions, then we are not truly hearing Jesus, we are not truly in-tune with his heart that says all, from whatever walk of life are welcome.

42 They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43 Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. 44 All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45 They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. 46 Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47 praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved. - Acts 2:42-47

~ Daniel

Images of a Hospital Chaplain

It begins with a flicker... of images: A Puddle of Blood and Urine on the floor. Doctors and Nurses running, scurrying back and forth quickly, trying desperately to save a life, to bring them back from the threshold of death, to some hopefully stable and sustainable form of life. Family in the room, as the doctors compress their loved ones chest, pumping, trying to bring back life, trying to bring back breath and a heart beat. Family waiting in the hallway, crying, other times stoic like stone. They are in shock, not knowing how to feel in a crisis, perhaps emotions standing on the brink, the brink between happiness their loved one is stable and the sadness they have now passed.

Up late at night. Two calls at the same time. Two crises, deaths or codes, both on opposite ends of the hospital, sometimes on opposite campuses. Trying to be flexible, trying to be wise. Trying to divide my time evenly. Trying to take care of others, while also taking care of myself. I am no good to others if I am a mess. I am not much good to myself either...

Chaplain, tell me why there is pain, tell me why God is doing this to me? Why does suffering exist? Suffering makes me believe in God. Suffering makes me not believe in God. Why chaplain? Why? How do I go on? How do I talk to my family about my condition? How do I tell my older parents they are dying? Can you come with me as a doctor, while I go to tell them their loved one is passed? Can you say a prayer for my family member? Can you say a prayer for me? Can you leave and come back later; I am just in so much pain right now?

The worst thing, harder than most, is seeing children suffer. Staff running, trying to help their little body survive OR seeing them abused by someone older, who they trusted or who was trusted to watch them. Praying with the parents, that healing might happen, that God be with them no matter what, and that our hope remains steadfast in Christ.

And in this time... in those words. Faith. Hope. Love.

Then the images of those calls at night when there is no crisis. The ones who are anxious and cannot sleep. They have insomnia, are up from worry. I talk with them, sometimes they cry and calm, sometimes they are just needing an ear. We talk. We pray. And they begin to drift off to sleep. In a hospital, never underestimate the goodness and need of sleep and rest in the healing process. A lot goes on in the hospital. Always.

Images of sharing in people's stories, some bad and some good. I am invited to share with them these parts of who they are, every now and then sharing parts of myself as well. From these stories, suffering comes to people from all walks of life, young and old, rich and poor. The truth is, we are all frail. And we can all be rather stubborn about certain things, from relationships to being healthy.

Voices together sharing, sometimes with joyful smiles, sometimes laughter, and sometimes tears. Here crisis ministry is not the exception but the norm. I get to meet people where they are at, not trying to change them, but to be there for them. In those moments, I have a great opportunity to share my thoughts, my hopes, my faith.

Voices sharing together in prayer. Hands being held with the patient, with the family. Though we suffer, we have hope. Our hope is not here. Not in this mess. Not in our present pain. No, our hope comes from our faith, from the love of God towards us. Our hope, my hope, comes in the future glory; the new body, creation, earth. When all things are made new, places like this will not exist. My job will cease to be of need. We will be made whole. But I am fine not having a job, because God will know us. We will know God. We will be his people and he will be our God. All tears will be wiped clean. All suffering and pain. Joy, happiness, and love will remain supremely... God be praised!

~ Daniel

Modern Retelling of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10)

On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”  “What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?” He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”  “You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”  But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?” 
 – Luke 10:25-29
…

Chaplain = Hi, one of the hospital chaplains, coming to see how people are doing on the floor today. How are you doing today?

Patient = (The patient stares at me for a second and kind of grunts) How do you think I am doing? All I wanted to do was get into town to see my family and get some money… and then I end up here.

Chaplain = Oh, Tell me more.

Patient = Well, I was on my way to from the town where I live to the town where my family lives. See, my car is my only mode of transportation… and… well, it broke down. I had family in a close town but none of them could make it to me, so I decided to go to them. I mean, I needed my car repaired; otherwise I can’t get to my job.

Chaplain = So, how did you end up like this?

Patient = Don’t rush me chaplain, I will get there… I am still a little out of it, because of what has all happened, and now my injuries, and these medications… Anyway, so I was walking down the road. It is like 100 degrees outside and I was sweating so much. I was lucky to have my water and hat, but I guess it was dumb to try to walk in that heat. (Pause) I am walking and I hear a car start to come by. At first, I don’t pay any attention until I hear the brakes screech. I turn around wondering what is going on; maybe a deer ran out in front of the car or something. Then, I see a gun pointed at me.

Chaplain = A gun?

Patient = Yes, pointed right at my face. Two other guys jump out of the car and rush at me quick. I guess they knew no one was around but someone might be coming up the road sooner or later. This wasn’t rush hour, but it was still a pretty busy road… So, I stand real still and they tell me to give them my wallet. I give it to them but tell them I don’t have any money. Of course they don’t believe me, so they check and find it empty. Then their faces get really angry, full of rage, ya know? Then one of them hits me with the hilt of his gun knocking me to the ground… Then, it all gets fuzzy... I was getting beaten and I remember hearing their feet run into the car, the doors slam, and the car accelerate away. I laid there for what seems like forever. I finally was able to kinda start limping, thinking someone would see me and help me.

Chaplain = Did someone see you?

Patient = Oh, lots of people saw me… and a lot of people passed me by… Maybe they thought I was drunk or homeless or a degenerate. I was stunned and sad though.

Chaplain = Why?
Patient = Well, I think some of those were church going people.
Chaplain = Why would you think that?

Patient = Well, they had them fishes on their cars, some bumper stickers saying to “Vote for Bush” or “Don’t vote for Obama”... so, I figured they must be church going people, if they are so conservative and all. One even said something about abortion, about valuing life, which is odd considering they wouldn’t stop for my life. I didn’t feel my life was very valued at all.

Chaplain = How did that make you feel?

Patient = Well, at the time I was in so much pain. I just wanted someone to stop and someone to listen to me. Of course, now I feel confused.

Chaplain = Confused?

Patient = Yeah, aren’t those religious people supposed to be the ones who love one another, love others. Why wouldn’t any of them stop, even if I was dirty, homeless, or a degenerate? Couldn’t they see I needed help, that I was crying out for help? I think Jesus would have stopped, so why wouldn’t they?

Chaplain = (I weep for this man. I want to tell him not every religious person, nor Christian for that matter is like that, or at least they don’t want to be. Some are scared to help and others might not be paying attention. The reality is there is no excuse... and he isn’t the only one. Sometimes we seem to ignore the hurting and people in need so much every day).

Chaplain = (There is some silence and I ask) So, how did you end up getting to the hospital?

Patient = Well, that’s the craziest thing. Some guy with family close by was driving back home to see them. He was kinda flamboyant, if ya know what I mean. He had a rainbow sticker on his car... I mean, I never really liked people like that… who they are seems so dirty to me… But hey, I wasn’t going to refuse help. I had been out there for like two or three hours, no water left. I could barely walk.

Chaplain = I am glad he found you.

Patient = Me too! I don’t know what I would have done out there. I probably would have died if he hadn’t helped me… So, he pulls me out a nice cold water he had just bought at the gas station for himself. Man… that was some of the best water I had ever tasted. He had some napkins and tried to place them on some of my scrapes. Then he drives me to the hospital. He fills out what information he can, even talks with the police, and then he did something that stunned me.

Chaplain = What was that?

Patient = He pulled out his wallet and started handing the people in the ER money. I couldn’t believe it. He said he knew they had to treat me but knew I had no insurance, which was true, as I only had enough money to get by week to week. He said he wanted to pay for my bill and if it was more, to call his cell phone. I was stunned… and then he handed me a few hundred dollars and said he hoped this might help fix my car... Oh, and it will be, more than enough.

Chaplain = Wow, that all seems so intense, from the beating to this man stopping for you and treating you so well.

Patient = It is a lot. It has made me think a lot about my opinions of others. I really shouldn’t prejudge those I don’t know or agree with, especially when those I thought would help me did not.

Chaplain = Well, I am sad about your situation but glad you were saved on the road.
Patient = Me too… Chaplain, you are a religious man, right?

Chaplain = Yes
Patient = Why do you think those religious people didn’t stop to help me?

Chaplain = I don’t know. Maybe they were scared or afraid or unaware you were there.
Patient = Do you think they just didn’t care?

Chaplain = I don’t know. I hope not. I don’t think that is the kind of person Jesus was or taught his followers to be.

Patient = That is true. I guess they all aren’t bad, but they all might not be that good either, at least with following Jesus and his teachings all the time like they say.

Chaplain = How does that make you feel, that some don’t follow Jesus the way they should?

Patient = Well, I really wish they had stopped for me is all I know. I hope maybe in the future, if someone is in need and hurting, maybe they will do something different, stop for them, even if they are scared or frightened.

Chaplain = (A silence fills the room and I sense we have talked about a lot and it is time to close the visit, so I ask) Is there anything I can do for you as a Chaplain before I go today?

Patient = Well, I never have been much of a praying type, but I was saved today; so thank God for that person who saved me and treated me kind. Pray for my healing and for those who drove by me, that maybe they won’t drive past someone else next time.

Chaplain = Ok, let’s pray.

Chaplain = Dear God, you hear P crying out to you in his pain and in his thankfulness. God, I thank you for this man who came to help P in his time of need and treated him kindly, showing him concern and compassion. I pray more of us could and would be like that to others in need. God, I pray for P right now as he is in pain, please heal his wounds, both physically from his beating and emotionally form the trauma. God, please be with his doctors, staff, and nurse as they attend to P. And God, I pray for those people P saw who didn’t stop to help the, God please speak to their hearts and let what they proclaim outwardly take hold of them inwardly, and help them not ignore, be scared of, or afraid of helping someone in need. I pray these things in your name. A-men.

Patient = Thank you pastor.
Chaplain = You’re welcome and God Bless.
Patient = I think he might have already… (I hear him say softly as I leave and close the door).

In the story of the Good Samaritan, the Jewish religious leaders passed up the man but the Samaritan, a half breed (half Jewish and half Samaritan) came to his rescue. This guy who the Jews would have despised as unclean was the hero of the story. Who was his neighbor? It was the Samaritan, the guy who showed mercy and compassion. The Jews to whom Jesus was talking to would have not liked this story certainly, but Jesus was always good at making people look at their own faults and own judgments of others.

I am mad at all those religious people who passed this man up on the road, but also was mad at myself in some way. Would I have passed the man up? Would I have stopped to help him? I likely would have been sacred and thought the man was on drugs, but is that really an excuse not to show love and compassion? Certainly Jesus calls Christians to a different life, one that is not always safe but always full of love and grace toward others, even when they may be different from us. Didn’t he say love your enemies? Would that include those different? Those who are our neighbors? I hope and pray I would be as bold and daring as to show love like Jesus in a similar situation, instead of passing someone up for my own personal ease and comfort. What does doing such things say to others about Christianity? About Jesus?

 “For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’
- Matthew 25:35-40

Sometimes I think we look at how far we have come in our Christian walk but are not always aware of how far we still have to go. There is still a long road ahead for us to grow in maturity and our spiritual lives, transforming into the likeness of Christ and renewing our minds daily is an ongoing and lifelong process.

~ Daniel Brockhan

Pic:
http://www.oceansbridge.com/paintings/artists/recently-added/hgy/stefan-henrik/big/Samaritan_%28The_Good_Samaritan%29_c_1920.jpg

RE: Why Men Are Leaving the Church

The following is a reply/response from a fellow blogger named Quantumstorm:

Saturday, 03 March 2012

Where did all the Christian men go?

I read and commented on a recent post by [Daniel] which discussed why men are leaving the church. It really struck a nerve (in a good way) and gave me something to ponder when I wasn't working on midterms or writing research proposals.

I'm going to share some of my views on why more and more men are starting to leave the churches. Obviously there are many factors that can influence this trend, but here are a few that I feel are the big ones. They are based on my personal experiences, as well as the experiences of a variety of friends, male and female, who attend/serve at a variety of churches that run across the entire cultural and political spectrum.

1. Entrapment.
Men are brought up in churches to be leaders, decision-makers, and the providers. They are taught from a young age that they are meant to be strong, tough, loyal, smart, etc. They are taught, more importantly, that they are free agents, and have control over their lives because of the grace of God. Now this may not sound much like entrapment, but think of it this way... if you are taught your entire life that you're tough, and strong, and that you don't need anyone's help but God's... how would it feel to actually ASK for help? It would feel like it's the opposite of everything you've been taught. You would feel weak, vulnerable... unmanly. On the rare occasions that men are ASKED to reveal their vulnerable side, it is not seen as an aspect of their manliness... but rather, a suspension of it.

2. Scapegoating.
This is tied in with point 1. When things go wrong, we point fingers at the ones responsible and in power. When you bring up an entire generation of men, teaching them that they are responsible for everything and that THEY have the power, and when things go wrong... who do we blame? The men, duh. But what happens when things go wrong that AREN'T always in their control? We still blame them, don't we? It's "guilty until proven innocent" with men. Think about how relationship issues are viewed, for example; when we discuss the men's participation, we often question it this way:

"What can you do to better serve your wife?"
For the women, it's typically:
"How can you better communicate your needs to your husband?"
I don't think I need to explain that point further.

3. Vilification.
Let's face it - men are strongly driven by sex. Sex is important to us. Now I don't take issue with a call for chastity, and I think that's a good thing... but vilifying men for their preferences and desires is NOT something that should be a part of that. I've seen, time and time again, men shamed for having sexual preferences. "We're all beautiful on the inside!" "Why do you ignore the fat/ugly/black/white/Asian/Mexican/(insert other random types here) girls?" "Love is all that matters!" But when a woman in the congregation dumps someone because he wasn't "ambitious enough", the church not only ignores it, but in some cases, condones it. Why? Because of what I mentioned earlier with bringing up men to be the providers. If a man isn't a good provider, obviously it's HIS fault because he's in control of everything, and thus it's okay to dump the bastard. Right?

When a man cheats, he is a scumbag, a sleazeball, spineless, etc. But when a woman cheats in a congregation or parish, I've often observed that many of the women (and even other men) will make excuses for her, claiming that her man wasn't giving her enough time, or that she was "swept up" in the heat of the moment.

But wait, it gets better.

4. Sacrifice.
Men are effectively taught that their lives are defined by their sacrifices they make for others. They are, in the churches, taught that a man is defined by his actions. In other words, we have no intrinsic value except when we DO things. We highlight the example of Christ to drive this point home. Why is Christ remembered? Why is He celebrated? He's not just celebrated because He's the son of God. He is the central figure of Christianity because of His sacrifice... on the Cross. Imagine if God came to Earth as the son of a carpenter, who later grew up and did absolutely nothing noteworthy. Would we remember Him?

We do not value men until they do things. We invest in them not because they are valuable in and of themselves, but because they have the capacity to expend themselves for others. We don't care for them because of who they are but rather in terms of their contribution to society. Thus when men act in their own interests first, they are bludgeoned over the head with "Christ's example" and shamed until they comply. It's often the case that other men partake in the metaphorical bludgeoning - but when you've been indoctrinated in such a way, what else can you expect?

In summary:
We bring men up in the church, telling them that they are powerful and in control. We tell them that when things go wrong, they should take responsibility by default. We vilify men for expressing natural desires, and we indoctrinate them with teachings of self-sacrifice. We mold them into the "knights of shining armor" and then treat them as servants, begrudgingly even, because we argue that they're so "privileged" to be men.

It may have been important to raise and mold men into protectors and providers in the past, but in our allegedly "egalitarian" society, the discrepancies are becoming more and more apparent.

Most men nowadays are not knights in shining armor because they freely chose to be that way. They are knights in shining armor because they have been shamed, cajoled and forced into becoming them.

As they grow up, more and more of them are realizing the futility of the situation and are leaving the churches and congregations. Until the churches, especially in the West and in the US in particular, figure this out... men will continue to leave, and never look back.

~  Quantumstorm

Why Men Are Leaving the Church

Within the last few years, I have seen many articles (some links at the bottom of this blog) on why men, including single men, are leaving the church. Many of these blogs and articles have spoken of the feminization of the church; with flowers, plants, and other things seemingly "feminine". Among singles, I have read in most places that men are leaving the church because they are not men but boys. They do not want to man-up and take on the leadership role but would rather live with their parents, drink, and play video games. While some of these critiques may be true, I would like to offer some different ideas and perspectives.

(1) The Recession - Stereotypically, many say women deal with the issue of being seen as pretty, attractive, especially as beautiful. While men do desire to be seen as attractive, men tend to want to be told they have done a good job, provided, and been successful. In the last five years, the recession has made men feel they are failing at being men because of circumstances out of their control. Even between my graduation from seminary in 2008 and my chaplain residency in 2011, I felt I was a failure. For the man who is married, especially with children, this is something so very horrible. To be forced every day to get up and apply for jobs and/or work minimal jobs until something good comes along, if it comes along at all, is torture. When a man’s value is found in his work and success and he is fired or can’t find a job, he will recoil; move inward, as he tries to deal with all of his emotions. Yes, men do have emotions, but most do not prefer to show them and may only express these to key individuals and close friends. For the single person, this presents a problem because his equity and date-able-ness is found in his success as a person: Is this man someone who has goals, purposes, and a good job? Can be provide? See, even with equality between the sexes becoming more prominent, men are still bound up as their role as provider and leader, so when they cannot exude success, even when dating, they feel like failures. As these men feel like failures, they will seek NOT to be around others (including church), having to constantly address their situation with others (Also: Most things to do [including dating for singles] cost money: Movies, Bowling, Lunch, Dinner, etc - money these people do not have to spend).

Movie to See: "Company Men"

(2) Leadership/Headship - One thing I cannot get over is how the leadership or headship of the male is becoming an end-all to arguments and conflicts, with the man being called to fault. If the house is not cleaned, to whose satisfaction and perception is it not clean enough? Who thinks who is too lazy or not productive enough? If a couple comes in for counseling, who do we think is the problem? The truth is that marriage is about compromise and communication (and love of course), so one has to wonder who is wrong when the men never seem to be able to be up to the standard women seem to want. The real truth is both. A more rational and logical step would be to sit down and communicate together, as equals, and express desires and expectations, then find some mutual agreement. Now, understand I am speaking in stereotypes and generalizations. For too long, the man as the headship has been used to target men as the problem, how could it be otherwise when he is "in charge"? If the household is in disarray and the children have gone wild, the man was not being a good enough husband, father, and/or leader for his household. I have also experienced this as being single. I was in Sunday School once where the women started saying in a dating relationships when ladies are in too emotional, get physical, or are spiritually down; it is the man's fault because he is supposed to be the leader. They made themselves as docile, sensitive creatures, who were innocent, naive, and any problem stemmed from the man not stepping up to the plate. I present that this is causing many single men to leave the church. The church should be a safe place and I think many men feel blame because of the leader and headship role. It is ridiculous and wrong. However, if these men said something, many would just tell them they are not fulfilling their God-ordained role; so instead many men are likely to just leave the church. I propose that men and women are equals, marriage and dating are partnerships, and any submission should be both mutual and under God.

Scripture to Read: Ephesians 5

(3) Dummy Mentality - Ever hear a preacher say something like: "It is not his fault, he just doesn’t know any better" OR "You will have to forgive him, he's a man"? I propose that the church may be supporting an underlying feminism it isn’t even aware of, namely, one in which women are smart and men are dumb. It seems like when a woman does something wrong it is a mistake but when a man does something wrong it is because he is simply not smart... You can't blame him for not being as good as a woman, right? I present this as another perspective on why men are leaving the church, they simply do not like being mocked or joked about. Sure, mistakes and funny situations happen, but generalizing them and projecting those onto men, and also onto the intellect of men, instead of a mistake, is not only mean, it is degrading. How would a woman feel if someone in the pulpit said: It is not her fault, she is a woman. Wait… wasn’t this some of the old ways men spoke of women? Is it possible now there is some kind of switch taking place? How is this possible?

TV Show to See: Everybody Loves Raymond

Men Do Have Emotions, They don't like to share them...
If they do share, they want and desire a safe place...
Church currently does not seem to be that place for them.

Men want to be listened to, not just talked at...
Men want to feel heard and understood...
Church currently does not seem to be that place for them.

What do you think?
Why are men, married and single, leaving the church?
Do you think the church is (too) masculine or feminine?
What changes should be or can be done to remedy this situation?

~ Daniel

Links/Articles:

http://praisecleveland.com/discussion/edpowell/do-men-hate-going-to-church/

http://www.winnipegfreepress.com/arts-and-life/life/faith/no-men-in-the-pews-could-be-churchs-fault-102210019.html

http://churchformen.com/men-and-church/why-do-men-hate-going-to-church/

http://www.cbn.com/spirituallife/ChurchAndMinistry/menhatingchurch.aspx

http://www.christiancentury.org/article/2011-10/why-do-men-stay-away

http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0002510.cfm

http://www.boundlessline.org/2012/01/do-you-have-a-friendgirl.html

Letter to Females

(Edit: From January 2012)
There are many things I want to say, to express, to my female friends, my females sisters in the faith, but I can’t find an outlet, cannot find a way, so I suppose this is the best way I can think of to tell you what I think, what I feel about who you are, and who you are going to become...

Let me get started...

For a long time now I have seen you question yourself. I have seen you define yourself through the eyes and desires and needs of others. I see you squander and hide yourself and your identity behind the cloak of someone else. You seek their approval for who you are, who you have been, letting that define your self and who you will be and become in the future.

You are stronger than you think.

I see strength in you, a strength you must really not know you have, and one I see in the day to day. Many of you strive for perfection, though this may sometimes go overboard, it shows your dedication and sincere thoughts for the things you do and want to accomplish. To the home mom, I see strength in your care and concern for your child, for your home, and for the lives of your husbands and kids. I see this strength in the woman who works; who leaves her kids each day, has been left by her grown children, or is working to better herself. I see the most strength in the single moms, who perform all functions of raising children while also working. I find it ironic that the most hard-working women are the ones who are likely to be judged so much more than anyone else. You stick with your children, love them. You wear your family as a badge of honor and rightfully so... It is sad to think people use it as a way to judge your past in some way, trying to sow honor as dishonor.

In You I see Beauty.

I am not just talking about superficial beauty here, though I know how much your looks concern you. You wonder if all that makeup will change the way the world sees you, the way you see yourself. Will it make you look normal, sexy, professional? You wonder if you will ever be a healthy weight. A pretty weight? An attractive weight? A weight that will finally, after all that work, all that exercise, and all those diets, make you feel confident in yourself... Finally feel comfortable in your own skin.

But you are more than your looks,
Though some of your identities seem tied and bound by them,
At least in your own thoughts and those dark times at night,
And those dark times in the day, when you questions yourself once again.

But what you don’t know, what you cannot see is what others see. The beauty of who you are on the inside. The way you care for others. How you express concern for the poor, the oppressed, the taken advantaged and disadvantaged; you simply cannot know how lovely it is to see how much you care. The ways you care for your family or desire a family, for being the great wife and/or mother you are or the great wife and/or mother you will become when the time comes. You are beautiful for the way you do your job, the way you face you fears. You are beautiful, not because that is what psychologist say women desire most, but because it is who God made you, who God made you as a unique person. There is only one you. You are beautiful in your identity, whoever and however you are.

Own your likes and dislikes, and do not sacrifice pieces of you for someone, for anyone else. Cherish and protect those pieces of yourself, keep them always and forever. Mold your own identity based on who you are and who you will become. You will find you are most beautiful and most strong and free when you are simply yourself; body, mind, and spirit.

These are the things I have been wanting to say, to you; my sisters, my friends, the females circling my life. You are more than you know, many times more than you give yourself credit for, but so important to my life, and the life of everyone around you. So I end this letter, just saying to be you. You give another great life to the world in your comings and goings.

~ Daniel Brockhan