To put it plan: I do not like change. I am mostly a creature of habit, and as an introvert, change doesn't appeal to me unless it is necessary. Well, in the case of the move to Lubbock, it was and I can already tell after two weeks it was a great decision, even if night and weekends seem a little bit more lonely without my Abilene buddies to hang with here and there (whom I will hopefully get to see in a month or so). Still, the road here was so hard for me, at one point I even broke down and wept a day or so before moving out of my new apartment and then once again when I was moving my furniture. What did I learn? Sometimes God will shake up our life, it will hurt, but there is no other way to grow besides going outside our zone of comfort, outside of what is normal for us; for we need something challenging, something risky, something different, with more of the same we are more of the same.. and then we never grow, we become stagnant, and the color of our life becomes a dull shade of grey.
One of the most interesting things I did was having to take assistance, from fb friends, from friends I knew from college, from graduate school, from work, from old and new churches, and even food stamps from the government (which wasn't really all that much, ha ha). On one hand I felt ashamed that I could not afford to live, fix my car, and move on my own. Sure, I had a plan, one in which I could barely get by but would not need help. However, when my car broke down three times this summer - well, that shot my plan in the foot and I lept around trying to figure out what to do after loosing this financial limb. I learned that it is OK to ask for help, when it is truly needed and not just because we are sad we don't have a PS3 or a 65 inch TV set... but when we are worried we cant eat, or pay student loans, or pay the rent for our apartment. I came to see that others, in a place of prosperity, who knew me were willing to share their wealth and hospitality with me, asking nothing in return; yet from Christ I heard him telling me after each generous gift, "Remember This"... "Remember Me." Does that sound odd? I heard him telling me to remember this time, to cherish it, to hold it sacred, and in the future when God has blessed me in a similar fashion, that I should be willing and charitable to others, as these people have been to me. It is amazing the things you see when you feel stuck in a corner and God says to not worry so much, that he will provide in some manner - and he did, he really did, and it still amazes me.
Of course, not all of my learning was on how to receive... but also how to sell, give away, and sacrifice (simplify and save). In the beginning I sold a lot of movies, books, CD's, my camera, and my PS2 and games to have money to buy food and pay bills... with just a little money I could make it, then my car had to be repaired for a second time. *sigh again* The odd part of the story is this: With the money I got from selling my stuff and the money I had in the bank, I had .49 cents in the bank, just enough to get by... and I lived on that until the next payday and was fine. Now, in some way that would seem like being way to close, perhaps a coincidence, but to me it was showing me how God provided just enough for me need, no more and no less. God was telling me that when he provides, it is enough for us to be comfortable, struggle a little or lot maybe, but not enough that we will be buying anything extravagant or using it for something other than the intended purpose.
Oh, maybe this all sounds so trivial and boring... and it is hard to put into words so far after the fact I suppose, but during this time I was so in shock, in worry, in doubt; that I found myself going blank when I tried to write about the last few months at all.
Then there is the new job... yes it is going to have its policies and procedures, long days (and nights), and is going to be crazy sometimes... but I already feel like I can see how much this next year is going to be rewarding to me both professionally and personally. The staff and other residents seem to mix together really well and I think it will be a good group and time of growth for all of us who are involved.
Well, I guess this is all I have to update for now.. maybe I am just blabbing into cyberspace... or maybe it is just to myself. But I hope that anyone going through a difficult time might read this and feel an encouragement that God does provide, but not always in the ways in which we think or would like.... but in the end God does know best and works with us through our own sweat, personality, and others along the way to help grow and stretch us. We just have to be willing and open to listen, to hear, to obey, and to sacrifice when needed; perhaps to even make a huge life change, especially if that is what could grow us and the Kingdom of God. Will we say HERE AM I, SEND ME or will we be fearful and and squirm out of his light and back into the darkness, back into the normal, the mundane, the colorless life we have been living?
THE CHOICE IS YOURS!
~ Daniel
