Trusting God is never an easy thing, especially when transitions come along. You literally question every decision and when you are single and by yourself, while you do have friends and family to bump choices off of, the ultimate decision, and the primary actions are all done by yourself. Sometimes you feel as if you have the weight of the world on your shoulders, so much responsibility to be successful and be a certain way, live a certain way, as if you must take the world on all by yourself. Sure there are people around but they almost exist on the outskirts of your life, they exists based on the decisions you choose or do not choose, sometimes they revolve around you but are not necessarily connected to you anymore, because now you are older, you are independent and must learn to live on your own. On some level I agree and seek out this individuality, this wanting to be successful by myself; yet I find myself wanting balance because I also desire community and fellowship.
For those who knew me in my past I was much more introverted than I am now, less likely to put myself out there, less likely to talk to different people, or be up on stage. I questioned my own calling into youth ministry because of my lack of charisma and outgoingness, even some of my own friends questioned this calling for someone like me. Still I heard God calling my name, something that I knew I must do, something he was calling me to do and would grant me the strength to do, to be in His timing and not my own. It has been a difficult but great change for me the past few years, becoming a better minister, Christian, and person. I seek out friendships where before I would not have. I offer my hands to friendships whereas before I would have let slip by me because I felt I could give no more. And still in the back is that person who walks back instead of forward, who wishes to be in the background instead of stepping up, who wants friends but has a hard time putting himself out there, for the fear of rejection, the fear of people no understanding him, not understanding me, progresses to the front. Still I have to balance myself, my fear of being a no one with the expectation to be someone great, to be the Man of God I know I can be, the one I hear God calling me to be. The journey is sometimes hard but the rewards for changing, for transforming are so sweet. God has been good to me so far and while sometimes I doubt or have worry, sometimes feeling nervous and other times anxious, I know God will be good to me into the future.
If you have made it this far, I thank you for taking the time to read all of this. My hands just keep typing, the ideas flowing, and I feel compelled to write a little more. I think in our lives we do not encourage one another much, we do not lift one another up, not only in prayer but in front of others for doing good, for simply being good people, or for showing and being an expression of Christ in another’s life. Nathan - Wow, you have been there a lot for me the last few weeks buddy. I came into town and you and your wife let me stay at your place, even gave me a key for while I was there. You helped me move all my stuff into my apartment and even get some extra stuff. You have helped me more than you know and it means a lot to me. You give selflessly many times and I thank God for your friendship and know your generosity will be rewarded. Rey - you have also been a great friend the last few weeks, coming over to see my place and chatting with me sometimes. I know you look to change yourself, to find something new. I pray that God comforts you as you change while not compromising the key parts of yourself that make you yourself. Mandi - When I was freaking out about my car and looking for someone to drive me to the car place you gave me a ride and asked me how things were going. Thanks. Katy - Even though you are struggling with your own future and transitions, you still pray and check-up on me. Thanks. Some things may seem huge and others small but I know God will reward your kindness and I am thankful for each of you. So, life is confusing for me right now but God has been and will be good. My current predicament has left me calling out to God and reading scripture more lately and this verse stuck out to me this morning:
Commit to the Lord Whatever You Do,
And Your Plans Will Succeed.
Proverbs 16:3
May God Bless You
May He Comfort You and Me
Your Brother in Christ
~ Daniel
Pic:
http://mikemilton.files.wordpress.com/2007/10/istock_000002620307small.jpg
