Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does. - James 1:2-7Sometimes it is almost ironic when I am teaching a lesson to my youth, something I do all the time; however, sometimes the lesson has a way of slapping me in my face, of making me come face to face with my own faith in a new and unique way. This happened this week when we started going through the book of James in Sunday School. As I was starting the lesson I got to verse two and knew God was about to humble me once again.
Sure the last few months have been tough on me, mostly emotionally and somewhat spiritually. It is always difficult to go through transitions and worry about money, worried if God will provide and be faithful like I believe but the experience, going through such trials, is always very difficult. I have tried to express this difficulty to others, even my parents, but I think only people who are single have a good grasp on what it feels like to go through such things by themselves and be challenged to trust God in all things.
Still, I find it difficult and so against the norm to find joy in my misery, not only that but also to ask God for things in prayer and fully believe He will provide it or provide something better. I guess life has made me pessimistic and so sometimes I find myself doubting God while believing at the same time. I feel like the guy speaking to Jesus who says "I believe, help me in my unbelief" (Mark 9:24). On one hand I am confident God will provide and on the other hand I have some dark place that wonders if it will all come tumbling down only getting worse in the coming months and years. See, I told you - pessimistic... and believe me I do not like that side of myself but it is there nonetheless.
Somehow I pray God will help me through this, give me strength and a clear vision for what I should do and where I should go; that I would follow Him and he would give me confidence where I doubt and strength where I may only see weakness in myself. Sometimes it does help me to think of the things I do have and the few good friends who have been next to me and held me up in prayer... but for some reason I find myself going back and forth a lot in my mind between feeling this joy that things will be good, if not better… and these other thoughts that seem to be there as well so full of despair and doubt.
Truly to find joy in our hardship is a difficult task; however, if we believe God is with us and we have hope in Christ - then I suppose we will believe that somehow God is with us in our sorrows, shares in our suffering, and will provide for his children somehow in someway...
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. - Matthew 6:25-34In Christ,
~ Daniel
And just because it is funny and slightly relevant...
