As I sit here a few days after graduating from Seminary, I cannot help to reflect on, not just the last year, but on about the last 2.5 years I have spent in Abilene. I suppose many would say that spending about three years in Seminary should make me feel smarter and more competent and while it defiantly has helped, I think a lot of growth was with me personally, but not intellectually. The changes are more in the way I relate to people and the experiences I have gone though and even pushed myself through. I think many people push themselves more than others realize, whether it be jobs, friends, relationships, and even in their spiritual lives. In the end, the journey we are on, the path we find ourselves is mostly always our own doing, for good or for bad.
Before I came to Seminary, I had never held a position in a church. Sure I had helped out in various ministries in my hometown, I had even helped out in Baptist Student Ministries; however, these were not staff positions, and I have realized the differences between volunteer and paid church leadership in the last two years. A lot has to do with the responsibility, realizing that you are the central core to a vital ministry in the church... this is not to say that you are the all-important minister. However, it is to say that without vital staff leaders and lay leaders all using their gifts and abilities for ministry that the church would easily crumble and fall. While I am still not always confident in my own skills and know I lack the charisma of some other ministers out there, I am more confident in my calling now than I was in the past and know that God will continue to grow and transform me into the minister that He sees me to be using the gifts and talents he has bestowed upon me... and comparing oneself and ones ministry to another does nothing but make spirituality a game... and that is not what Christianity or the church is all about.
Still, most of my growth has been much more personal. I have learned how to push myself more when I use to be the one to always stand back and wait. I still do wait for the Lord but have learned that sometimes waiting is just an excuse to do nothing at all. Not just in ministry but in relation to friendships and relationships, learning to be more bold is something important. I am not extroverted, I do not have that charisma that instantly attracts people to me, and to be honest, I always find myself weary to extroverts, because I feel like they are always trying to show off. On the other hand, with introverts it takes time to sift through the initial shyness or their anti-social tendencies to get to the core. All I am saying is getting to know people takes time and getting to become good friends with people takes time as well but the blessing of those friendships can be wonderful.
What I am astounded by is how when you are friends with people, you can begin to see things in people that they can either never see in themselves or never would admit to seeing in themselves. In my friends I have seen many great qualities: In one I have seen and received the gift of help many times. This friend is constantly helping me in situations and also calls on me for help when it is needed. It is rare to find people who actually say they will help you out and then follow through with it. Another friend has showed me courage, though she would never see herself as a courageous person. She has pushed herself to the limit and though she tried to hide parts of herself, I hope that someday she will see the courage to overcome anything in her life the way I see it. I have another friend who has shown me both strength and what a true encourager is, she gives of herself selflessly, usually expecting nothing in return. Sometimes she is drained but does not give up because she leans on the strength of Christ. Actually, I think all of these friends do, as well as myself. I do not know where I would be without Christ today, without the hope he gives, the light that keeps shining in this dark world, and the strength I always find in my own weaknesses.
So, I guess that is it. Not as beautifully worded as some other notes/blogs but something I just felt like putting out there. Transformation is possible, it can be achieved; however, we must always remember that change takes time, effort, and struggle. every journey takes a long time, as one finds themselves among many paths, some steep, others lushes and green, some make us fight the cold while others have heat that makes us sweat, some are windy while others are soaked with rain. We choose our path, we walk our own journey, and thankfully God provides us with friends, and provides us with the consolation that Christ Jesus is with us all along the way.
~ Daniel
p.s. - To those who do not know already... A week before Christmas my grandpa on my mother's side past away. Christmas has been different this year, filled with both joy and sorrow. We are glad he is not suffering but sad to see him go. In times like this, one learns to cherish those around them, both family and friends, because you realize that you may not see that person again.
Love you Grandpa!
Pic:
http://www.clarencestowers.com/the_urban_pastor/images/2008/03/30/ponder.jpg
