Where is CHRISTmas?

OBSERVE CHAOS


As I get older I feel like something is missing during this time of year. Sometimes I feel so over-obligated to give to everyone it seems to become more of a hassle than a time that brings that feeling and spirit of generosity and giving I wish to well up inside of me. Of course, with limited funds, I decline a lot of giving and settle for only being concerned with my immediate family, though I have many friends and co-workers I wish I could give a little something to let them know I appreciate them. But isn’t something wrong here? Why does something feel off or wrong, uneven or unbalanced?

I know many arguments come around this time of year, many Christians feel this holiday is 'under-attack' by those who would mean us harm and wish to destroy, both religiously and politically, this season - by effectively erasing Christ from our holiday. No longer will we say ‘Merry Christmas’ but ‘Happy Holidays’, no longer is it a ‘Christmas Tree’ but a ‘Holiday Tree’. No longer is he called St. Nicholas but Santa Claus, with no remembrance of his giving being connected to Christ nor religion in any form. But I do not think what we need to worry or fight against are the others, the pluralist or the atheist, who many of us seem to think are in an all-out war against Christmas. I think the real people we need to be concerned about are ourselves as Christians.

SEEK SIMPLICITY


What witness are we giving people by the way we act? How about the amount of stress we bring on others? But even more than our attitudes around this time of year, what have we forgotten? We have messed-up and missed-out on Christ, the babe lying in that manger. We have forgotten the whole true message and story. We get so busy buying things, getting decorations out, getting irritated by holiday arguments, getting family together, and all the while Christ sits in anticipation.

Just as Christ held out the cup to his disciples and broke the bread saying "Remember Me," so God sits and says the same thing to us. God wants us to remember this moment when he broke though time, sent his son in flesh into our plane of existence. God sent Jesus, Immanuel, to be born of a virgin, in a manger, a dear little baby, who was so vulnerable to attack. Just as we all depend on our family, so was Jesus made frail and had to depend, not only on his earthy family, but on his heavenly father.

REMEMBER CHRIST


Let us not forget the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, the one who was worshiped and sought by both wise-man and shepherd, who loved the sinner and called out the hypocrites, who lived and died and rose for us called CHRISTians. Let us not forget the true reason for this season, let us instead become overwhelmed with the love of our Savior who was born in that small town, in that small place; yet God had tremendous plans for that small babe.

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory,
the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.
- John 1:14

~ Daniel

Thankful...

The world is full of negative thoughts, as humans we tend to always accentuate the bad and forget the good things in our lives. I know I sometimes feel depressed and vent about my situation in life; However, there are some things I am thankful for...

(1) My Family - I have been blessed with a wonderful family. We do not get to see each other as much as we would like, life sometimes separates families and friends this way; however, I know that they love me with all their hearts. I am thankful for my dad, who is always there to hear and who usually takes the brunt of our jokes because he is the "old man of the family" and because there are some things, from 'bands of pain' to asking the Jack in a Box person, "Do you have a problem with that?" - These things he will simply never live down ;.) I am thankful for my mom, who, though she isn’t my biological mom, earned the right to be called mom by me and my older brother through her love and caring of us as we were growing up and even today. I am thankful for my older brother, whom I shared a room with for about half of my life. We had some brotherly fights and quarrels, who is the most mature, to if Chris' spin roll in a fighting match would or would not make me fall over (You would be surprised how many times it got the best of me, lol). I was lucky to have an older brother who was funny and would let me hang out with 'his friends' in the youth, instead of belittling me like so many other older siblings might have done. I am thankful for my little brother and sister, both have more recently began to grow up and have depths of personality and talents I am only beginning to know about, though I regret not being closer to home so I can know them better than I do... I also love the rest of my family as well, on both sides there is a lot of love and jokes and stories, some that make you blush and some that amaze me from sacrifices made.

(2) Friends - I don’t know where I would be without my close friends, though sometimes I loose some and gain some depending on how life goes, God always seems to provide people in my life to help me keep going. This year Nathan and Ron have been those two good friends, who I have hung out with and shared my life with. What I love about friends is how you can have different interest yet maintain that friendship, even in tough times. It is about being open to another, about making time to develop that friendship. I am also thankful for my friends Katy and LaShay, even though life has drawn us more apart the last year, we still try to hang out every now and then and encourage one another. I am thankful for all my friends though, each having a place in my life and I try my best to take none of you for granted. I thank God for you all!

(3) Work - I am thankful to have a job, well two most of the time ;.) Sometimes I am frustrated but know many do not have jobs at all these days. I am glad to work with people who are nice (for the most part) and do the best they can at the job they have and sometimes at the corporations they have to work under. Working tough jobs teaches you that laughter and humor go a long way to reduce stress and build upon friendships, even if they are among co-workers. I am amazed at the resiliency of my co-workers, who not only work tough jobs but many who have rough lives and continue on. I may not always be vocal about my beliefs at work all the time, but I keep many of them on my mind and pray for them, especially when I know they are going through tough times (even if some of them try to look like they are doing fine on the outside).

What are you thankful for this year?

~ Daniel

The Church (Universal) vs. the church (Institutional)

As I was laying sprawled out napping on my bed, pondering life as I know it, I couldn't help but wonder why so many of us seem to feel somewhat disconnected from the church (Institutional) and yet seem to be very connected universally/ spirituality to the Church (Body of Christ/Community). I am sure the church is well-meaning, but how do so many of us have some sense of ill-feelings, awkwardness, and otherness when it comes to church; yet still hold onto this connection with our Brothers and Sisters as part of the Body (The Church).
I feel as if the Church is a vast resource which the church institutions are missing, forgetting, or have forgotten about. Many churches continue worrying about declining attendance and being in a society in which moral decadence seems to be on the raise; yet the Church globally does not seem to have this problem as it continues to thrive in Asia, Africa, and South America, especially in places where Christians are being persecuted.

I feel as though many of us, most of us, in America find ourselves working hard, maybe two or three jobs, maybe raising children, maybe dealing with suffering of those around us, perhaps dealing the effect of addictions on our households; yet most us our struggles, most of our of weaknesses, which we could use to build up the Kingdom, we simply never bring them to the surface. Why do we feel most judged by those who should be the least bit judgmental? Why do people have an easier time confessing their troubles to their friends at the club or at work than at church?

We tell people God accepts them as they are; yet we try to change them and tell them they are no good after they are converted and do not change and comply quick enough. Sometimes we even hold others or ourselves to standards not even seen in scripture, we judge them on our spiritual conviction; because we think what God has convicted us of should be the convictions of everyone else. We need to understand that God is the judge, the Holy Spirit is the counselor, and Jesus is Lord and Savior - these are not our roles to fill. Our roles are to be bringers and heralds of the Kingdom, to put our actions and words to the expanse of God's Kingdom, and to be encourages to one another to follow and pursue a godly life, to follow Christ each on our own journey.

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ. - Colossians 3:6-8

This journey will be different for the child, the adult, the elderly, the wife, husband, single, married, healthy, sick, wealthy, the poor, for the white, black, and all other types of people. We each have our weaknesses but we each also have our strengths and this is what makes the body of Christ so unique. The Body of Christ is not the "observers" from the pews and chairs and the leaders from the fronts of our churches and its pulpits, no; we are all called to be more, called to minister in some way, to use our gifts, and to be a light in this world. Sometimes being a light means exposing our dark side(s) so that people see we are real and not plastic people with fake faces and facadic lifestyles. I consider myself an open person; however, there are some things I do keep hidden, we all do, because we fear we will be judged, we will be ousted and become outcasts, and effectively excommunicated from our current church and life and person-hood if people knew the truth.

Maybe we are hiding addictions or anger or our dating life. Maybe we are hiding our thoughts when it comes to doctrines or convictions or the roles we believe gender plays in our everyday lives. Maybe we feel judged or misplaced or unknown. Maybe we feel lonely or alone or misunderstood. Maybe we feel ugly or fat or unattractive. Maybe we feel no one listens to us and we always take a back seat to those who are louder and more charismatic than ourselves.

There is a place for you and for me in the Church, in the Body of Christ, in the Community of Believers. Do not give up searching and finding it out. God does have use for you. He does have a purpose. He does have a niche for you and for me to serve. The church as an institution or building may fail and fall but the Church Universal has lasted through the ages and will continue to grow. Remember we have Brothers and Sisters from past, to present, and into the future, who speaks different languages, worship in different styles, who proclaim the gospel in different ways - but one thing always stays the same. Christ Supreme!

Then Jesus asked, "What is the kingdom of God like? What shall I compare it to? It is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his garden. It grew and became a tree, and the birds of the air perched in its branches." - Luke 13:18-19

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. - Hebrews 12:1-2

~ Daniel

Prayer 2.0: Intercessory Prayer

I have been thinking about prayer lately, especially after reading Richard. J. Fosters book "Prayer: Finding the Hearts True Home". I believe out of all the books I have read on prayer, his books says a lot that is in connection with my own heart and also brought up many points I had not thought about before in my meanderings concerning prayer.

I think prayer, like anything else in our frail human existence, is prone to sin, prone to deception, and is prone to our own selfish ways. Ironically, because prayer is such a spiritual matter, rarely does anyone question the manner in which they pray. How can the communication between me and my creators become corrupted, how can it become prideful and selfish? I think we live in a "me, I, deserve" generation. We have our fast lines, our drive-through, our ordering online... we have our texting and instance messaging. Everything we do is quick and easy as technology has helped jump us forward, sadly only to confuse us by making us busier or injecting boredom into our lives as we wait and no longer know how to exist in a state if we are not constantly in motion. Prayer helps us learn patience, not just the patience to wait on God but also the patience to quiet down our lives enough to listen to God, if we even find enough time in our life to pray to God.

However, even in our prayer life we have become disillusioned at how selfish and prideful we are in our life. When we come to God, we come into his presence to thank him for the day, to thank him for what he has done in our life, and to petition him toward the future. Notice a trend going on? Everything we tend to pray for is about ourselves. Very little of what and how we pray involves praying for others. In my own prayer life I try to balance this by praying for others before myself, something that not that easy to do when you are going through a tough time and want instant answers, as most of us do.

Lately I have been thinking about Intercessory Prayer a lot more because it is praying on behalf of others, yet there is something more intimate about this type of praying then merely saying a name on a list and sharing a phrase-problem with God. Intercessory Prayer is deeper than that, it is praying to God for a friend or family member, someone you have an intimate connection with, you pray in your suffering and into their own suffering over their life and situation. In this type of prayer you are bringing another soul, wounded Christian or suffering human, before God. It is as if you are picking them up, holding that person suffering in your arms, and walking them before the throne of Christ Jesus.

Of course, in many of our churches we pray for others, but I think it lacks the depth because we pray for others we are not connected with. Rarely in churches and small groups do we pray for those who are in the room and close to us, but we pray for the friends or relatives of those in the room, meaning we rarely find that wonderful intimacy between ourselves and our other brothers and sisters in Christ. Usually, I believe we do not pray in this manner because we are afraid to open up and someone might use our weaknesses and concerns against us. Many times we also do not get enough information; we get only a phrase and do not get the full extent of how they know this person and why this request concerns them so deeply. Personally, I enjoy long prayer request from others longer than a phrase or sentence... more information helps me to plead before Christ and try to put myself in their place of suffering. Still, do not think that I am immune to praying only for myself (Sadly, when I do actually pray). I am like everyone else who feels my own concerns first and must push past my own life into the lives of others. I think this is the only way we ever feel the compassion of Christ toward others who need to see his love and goodness, while at the same time gain wisdom and boldness in helping our own brothers and sisters stay strong and persevere in the faith.

In the end, I feel the need for myself, and all Christians, to be more mindful of others who are suffering in some way, who are feeling lost, alone, confused... Who need jobs and clarity, who have family members who are ill, who need help in clarifying their calling, and those who need help paying their bills. We live in a selfish world and the least we can do is not let that selfishness infect our communication between us and God.

~ Daniel

Other Links:
http://www.allaboutprayer.org/intercessory-prayer.htm
http://www.gotquestions.org/intercessory-prayer.html
http://www.spurgeon.org/sermons/0404.htm

Dream Big!

 If there is one thing I would tell anyone who is younger, who is struggling through their teen angst or college or the aftermath of higher education and trying to pass that transition into the full-time job... it would be to dream big, but also not to give up on your dreams. Or better yet, don’t give up on the calling that God has placed in and on your life. I had friend in the past called to be a doctor; they had the gift but settled for nursing. I had another friend who was called to missions but settled for being a bilingual secretary in a business. These are not bad things, but if these friends sacrificed their calling because of fear then they have a long road ahead of them. I feel like once you give up on one dream, on one thing, and leave it behind; it starts a snowball affect and your life begins to go downhill unless you are able to go back, figure out what you want and go for that once again.

Sure life changes us and sometimes we must change because of circumstances; however, this is not giving up on our dreams if we still hold them dear and close. I dream of being a husband, a father, and a minister someday. Sure I have been a part-time minster but I mean full-time, at least in some job where I am helping people. I also dream of being a published writer, at least articles if not book(s) someday. I would also like to lead more worship... And I know I am not that great and the guitar but I can sing and I dream of being more involved at some point in the future using that gift as well.

I have actually had people in the past tell me because of my more introverted personality that youth ministry or ministry in general might not be for me. It was kind of downer but I really did not care in the end because if God has called me then it doesn’t matter what people say. Sure it matters if they are trying to help or guide you into your ministry niche where you can use your gifts; but so many people give up on their dreams way to quickly because of life or money or tragedy. And here is the thing: Dreams do not come easy, anything worth having takes time and effort and may be a very difficult road to travel. But the great thing about God is he promises never to give us something we cannot handle and even better is that God is right there with us through every difficulty. And in our weakest times God can and will be our strength, we can call on him.

Well, I guess that is really all I wanted to say... I originally intended on writing my note on prayer but this needed to come out first for some reason, so my note on prayer will come shortly. But just do not give up and also do not ever be afraid to ask for prayer. We are not this alone! You cannot be a lone ranger Christian and we were not meant to be! Never be afraid to ask for prayer or advice or guidance from friends or family, always take it as a grain of salt, and in the end put all your longings at the foot of the cross and from there your dreams will likely come into focus and you may find clarity that you did not have before. From this clarity God may grant you a vision, small or large, of where he is leading you to go next, but don’t expect it to be easy, having faith and trusting God never is easy but it is the only way we will ever grow.

In Christ,
~ Daniel

Flaw of Online Communication

This is something that has been bothering me for a while now, increasingly as I see it cause conflict in my own life. Here I am in the online universe, I am on Facebook and have about 300 friends but how many of them, how many of you all do I truly know? In all reality I would probably have closer to 400-500 friends if I didn’t go though and delete people I never talked to or only met once, those random people who add you but then never speak to you or reply to your messages. I may be more introverted than extroverted, so communicating online does help to some extent because it gives me time to think about my words, to choose them carefully, though I try not to obsess over what I say or write. If I do, I normally do not post it or come back to it later. So what is this flaw? What is this huge negative thing about communicating online with things like e-mail, Facebook, twitter, and the like?

Face-to-face contact... Yes, actually speaking and communicating to people to their face. First the problem came with cell phone, then the ability to text, and now it’s the new smart phones - no one is ever paying attention to anyone else. All our free space in our time is not spent pondering what we will do later or taking time to observe and notice others, maybe strike up a random conversation with a stranger. No, instead it is spent pulling out our phones to call or text someone, to check Facebook, or play games. Our associations with others have gone from real to digital, digital with a profile pic next to it; and instead of a living personality it is all texting and online messages. We are missing people and each other and in doing this we are beginning to miss and loose ourselves.

Yes, I admit I am a Facebook addict. Luckily it would cost me more to have a new phone and internet so my phone is simple and I do not have the ability to be an addict online while I am at work or away from my home computer, so that helps - but I am still online when I am at home. I see the status updates and news-feeds rolling by and I message people about how life is going and ask if they want to hang out. Sometimes I would just prefer to speak to people on the phone but would really enjoy actually to be in the presence of other people. We are all not connected but disconnected somehow. In some way we all know one another but truly know no one at all. If we don’t take this seriously now and set out space and time for real in-person relationships when will it stop? How will it be in 5 or 20 years when technology keeps growing and expanding?

The final problem with communicating online is that it also brings out our insecurities sometimes, usually by accident. Little status updates tell our personal thoughts, blogs/notes show our inner thoughts broadcasted to the world, and regular flaws in communication between personality types and the sexes in general are intensified. Online there is no tone, no inflection, no facial recognition or body language to express what the other person is saying. All we have are words, which studies show are only 7% of communication, so by communicating online we miss about 93% of what is being communicated (http://www.robertphipps.com/articles/body-language-facts-and-stat-s.html).

In the end what I am saying is this: Ponder calling someone, or even better, attempting to hang out with other people, real and in-person. Is that hard to imagine? Why? In addition, when you hang out turn your cell-hone off or on silent (NOT VIBRATE) and if you cant resist the urge to check it every three seconds then leave it in your car or go without it for one day. Instead of letting technology control you why you don’t you try controlling it. Learn some self-control, learn not to be rude to others in person by checking you phone every five seconds, and learn to value the quality of the time when you are with a group or someone one-on-one. Let’s bring back real friendships, intimate relationships, ones that exist face to face and not merely online... not merely chatting across the digital spectrum of cyberspace

Lets Live Life in Creation again
And Live Life in the Digital a little less

~ Daniel
Additional Articles/info:
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/eq6_nonverbal_communication.htm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/7898510.stm
http://media.www.tcudailyskiff.com/media/storage/paper792/news/2009/10/02/News/Text-Messaging.Could.Hurt.Ability.To.Read.Nonverbal.Cues-3790853.shtml
http://www.alternet.org/media/95629?page=entire
http://www.healthadel.com/internet-addiction-in-teens-with-psychosocial-disorders/

Thank You Friend

Hello Friend,

Every so often I sit am amazed at my life, those people in it who help me through the tough and rough times, as well as, laugh with me during the funny ones. This happened twice this past Sunday, once at Pioneer in Sunday School, Worship, and the new Members lunch and then again that night at a small group I am apart of at First Baptist Church. Sometimes I feel down but am happy to know I have people who support and encourage me here in Abilene, both spiritually and emotionally. I have good friends and most of them are not fickle, even if we are not best friends, I feel they see a part of me - one seeking Christ.

Sometimes though, I try not to be overly spiritual (or come across that way at least). As a called-minister or older-christian I never want to think or even act like I have all the answers. Last night at the small group we were talking about gifts and while I know I do have the spiritual gift of pastor/shepherd it is something I haven't really got to develop a lot, not in the ways I would have liked thus far. I have more developed myself through teaching, discernment, encouragement along with trying to work on my abilities in music. However, writing is something that has become a passion of mine, something that has developed since middle school, which was also the exact time I began to feel a call to ministry. Apparently, from what I have read in Adam McHugh's book "Introverts in the Church", people who are more introverted express their thoughts better through writing and also normally have a sort of spiritual journal, something else I have been doing either on paper or online since my freshmen year in college sometime in 2001-2002. I actually have about seven full notebooks now... Somehow my blogs/notes have crossed between something of my everyday experiences and those spiritual journal entries I would write. Sometimes I am not sure if I am too personal or too open, other times not open enough. Especially when it comes to your personal experiences with sin, specifically secret sins, it is difficult to express the agony and anguish one deals with when they try to follow Christ and lay behind the gossip, slander, malice, lust, anger, bitterness, pride, envy, jealousy, their past... and all the other little and big things that keep us from God and hinder our growth.

I guess I write this to say thank you to all my friends who are there for me, who see me in a way that not many people see others anymore today. You don't just see me online or through a text or just through a phone call but as a brother in Christ, as a fellow Christ-follower. And even if I don't say it often I am truly thankful and want you to know that I pray for every one of you... maybe not every day but I am mindful of you and pray for your growth and that you find your gifts and use them for God's glory, finding a niche, a ministry, some outlet to let the light of Christ shine through you.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. -Hebrews 12:1

Your Brother in Christ,
Daniel

My Dark Night of the Soul

Since my undergrad I have heard of the book and notion "Dark Night of the Soul" written by St. John of the Cross, which I read and finished this week. I believe at some points we all experience some kind of depression, maybe spiritual depression where for a while we cannot seem to find God. In this time we feel disconnected but then God shows up again quickly and we are glad to know and feel his presence once again. In the Dark Night; however, this time of distance and almost a spiritual banishment from God is a much longer period of time.

“It plunges him into darkness and causes him affliction, distress, as does the sun to the eye of the weak; it enkindles him with passionate yet afflictive love, until he be spiritualized and refined by this same fire of love; and it purifies him until he can receive with sweetness the union of this infusion…” – pg. 147

Personally, I feel as if about the last two years have been a Dark Night to me, mostly because I am very confused by so many things in my life right now and God doesn’t seem to be giving me any clarity. I feel like I do not get anything out of the spiritual disciplines like I did before. I read books but their pondering and answers feel hallow or misplaced. I pray but feel as if there is no response, as if God has left the other end and I am sometimes merely speaking to myself. I feel I have been devoted and spent seven years in higher education and deserve something better than working a minimum wage job and merely surviving. I have tried to stay pure and find myself alone and many times doubtful I will find a girlfriend, if ever marry.

I sometime despise myself for even thinking I deserve a better job, a better life, a wife and kids someday because it fosters the notion that our devotion to God is based off of what we can get and not based on who God is, giving him glory and remaining in the hope Christ gives us for a good future. But should the good future always be after death? I don’t have to be rich but do I have to be poor, or barely getting by all the time.

“For this night is gradually drawing the spirit away from its ordinary and common experience of things and bringing it nearer the Divine sense, which is a stranger and alien to all human ways.” – pg. 131

I know this time will help me in the future; it really humbles an already humble person in my mind to go through such a time. The Dark Night; however, is supposedly given to those who are faithful, a time in which they are purged or purified before God. During this time they reassess their priorities, fixing the way they perceive their faith and also purifying them from whatever questionable and habitual sins they still have roaming around in their life and in the recesses of their mind.

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." - Romans 12:1-2

I feel like David crying out to God saying "How Long, Oh Lord?"... I feel like Abraham being taken from the land where I grew up. I feel like David trying to maintain purity and hoping I don’t fall in a world that spews lust, sex, and pornography at me instead of the godly love found in purity. I feel like Moses saying I cannot speak and like Jeremiah questioning my age and experience. I feel like Adam blaming Eve for my problem because I can’t seem to get over the wounds inflicted on me emotionally from past relationships. I feel like Solomon asking for wisdom except I seem to have no where to use this wisdom besides with friends, who seem few, many times also too busy, everyone is busy... busy… busy, trying to survive and keep up. Everyone is tired, people are underpaid, and the world begins to seem like a dim dark place. This is the Night and those who go through it are frazzled, scared, nervous, doubtful, and perplexed. However, they are not suicidal, nor do they think this darkness will last forever. They know, I know this time will end... that perseverance and trust is key, for if I told others to have faith and trust God in trials and suffering and then did not myself, wouldn’t I just be another hypocrite?

So I still open up the word, though sometimes it is difficult. I find inspiration, sometimes just enough to move forward and other times enough to ease my mind and grant me peace for short time. I go to church and worship God because he is God and is worthy despite nothing in my life really advancing. I listen to sermons about God's will, though I currently only have a foggy vision with no clear direction or purpose. I pray because I love my God and know he hears me even if I cannot hear Him. I try to pray for others because it makes me feel connected to the greater body and helps me know God is working in the life’s of others and even though I cannot feel it, he is currently also working in me. I try to make new friends, but sometimes do not know whether our friendship is reciprocal or the other just doesn’t want to hurt my feelings. I try to push back the arrows from Satan regarding rejection and the notion that I am not good enough in regards to both ministry and dating, by trying to have an open mind to what ministry is and to invest in friendships. I sometimes wonder if I am playing it safe or am I really pushing myself. I try to rid myself of those habitual sins also, wondering if I am trying hard enough or does God’s grace and love understand this struggle I have between my spirit and flesh.

“But having very little satisfaction with themselves; they consider all others as far better, and usually have a holy envy of them, and an eagerness to serve God as they do…. Wherefore, holding themselves as of little worth, they are anxious that others too should thus hold them, and should despise and depreciate that which they do. And further, if men should praise and esteem them, they can in no wise believe what they say; it seems to them strange that anyone should say these good things of them.” – pg. 42-43

“They are too much embarrassed to confess their sins nakedly, lest their confessors should think less of them, so they palliate them and make them appear less evil, and thus it is to excuse themselves rather than to accuse themselves that they go to confession." – pg. 41

“If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives.” – 1st John 1:6-10

“And do this, understanding the present time. The hour has come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed. 12The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light.” – Romans 13:11-12

St. John of the Cross ends his book with a few sections regarding the happiness that comes after this Dark Night. His words bring joy to my heart during this troubled time, they give me hope and help me persevere thinking of the day I will come out of this darkness that seems to be clouding my life. I also hear the encouragement from friends but appreciate and value time spent over words given, I appreciate stories of hope and joy regarding God working in others rather than a quickly quoted scripture that’s supposed to magically make it all ok. And beyond all of this I still and will always love God and his son Jesus because he first loved me, he gave his life, and nothing could ever stop me from pursuing my call, from desiring to express that love in and through my life. My situation may be dark but I know the light of Christ has and will always pierce the dark corners of our souls and his glory will be shown in each of us if we are willing go be broken, be willing to follow, be willing to obey whatever the cost.

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” – 2nd Corinthians 4:16-18

“There will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light. And they will reign for ever and ever.” – Revelation 22:5

~ Daniel

Related Website:
http://www.hissheep.org/deliverance/the_dark_night_of_the_soul.html

Blunt Blog: Calling?

Let's start off first by abandoning distractions, the ones we so often use that distract us from the quiet in life, the ones that we use to fill our own emptiness and procrastinate our ability to have any type of quality time for self reflection and listening to God. This blog, after all, is about calling, and if we do not have ears to hear, then we might as well have no ears at all (Jeremiah 5:21, 6:20; Ezekiel 12:2; Matthew 11:15; Acts 28:27; 2nd Timothy 4:3). So turn off your music, turn off your TV, turn off your I-pod, your video games, stop talking on your cell phone, and stop texting for just five seconds...

Well, after a few months of not having a church home I finally decided to become a member of a local church. I struggled with this, as I did before I was youth minister at VBC, not because I was unsure about the church (which is great) but because I was unsure if becoming a member meant settling, meant being comfortable and maybe never looking for another ministry job. But I figured it was time to be devoted and committed to a church and this one seems like it may really help me grow and develop. In fact, I am already likely to lead a small five-minute devotional at a basketball tournament come February.

See, my problem is I feel compelled that the only successful way to validate my calling is to be in a full-time ministry position. I have heard people say otherwise and agree on some level but it just seems like I validate myself as a minister when I am in a paid position to be honest (as do others). But is it the church who calls me? Is it the members of this or that church that should validate my calling? It is God, right? I got to seriously thinking about how many of the prophets and even Jesus were not validated in many of the “churches”. They did not fit. Perhaps I do not fit into a church ministry role or perhaps just have not found the right church? In Ecclesiastes it says there is a time to speak and a time to be quiet (1:7)... perhaps this has been my time to be quiet, to stop my babbling about me and my wants and listen to what God is saying for a change.

Currently I have no church ministry, no license, and no ordination - but do these mean I am not called? Surely not! Maybe it means these are things I need to work on, maybe it is just not time, or maybe my calling does and never will involve these things. Even my diploma, B.A., and Masters Degree sit on the floor in my apartment gathering dust (See Matthew 6:19-21). I am not as concerned with the papers as the time and quality they have put behind me. But they are merely pieces of paper and the real change has been experience and the changes in my life and heart as a person, Christian, and minister.

And in the end we are all called to do something, we are all called to different ministries, both inside and outside of the church. We have too much emphasis on the minister who preaches from the pulpit and not enough respect for the second-grade school teacher who devotes her life to children every day. We have a lot of respect and services for those who go on International Mission trips but do not show as much love to those who drive vans around town and deliver food to the homeless. Calling and Ministry are so much broader than I can imagine... than you can imagine. Calling and ministry is using your heart, your talent, your self for God.



What is your calling and ministry?

~ Daniel

Pic:
http://i61.photobucket.com/albums/h56/twodogs_photos/call.jpg
http://manacled.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/four_steps_to_hearing_your_call.jpg

Blunt Blog: Angry at God?

Ok, let’s be honest... Christianity is sometimes a difficult faith to understand much less one to live in, especially when life goes back and forth and so many people in the church give such different advice. When I wrote my "Year in Review" I said I trust God and he has provided, and while I totally agree with that… the other side of those thoughts are the ones I keep down deep, the ones perhaps we all keep down deep. Not to say that God doesn’t care or doesn’t exist but does he directly affect my life in the way so many of us seem to think.

In the church we say that those devoted to God will see blessings, most of which may or may not be financially. But it is hard not to see being blessed by God in relation to money when your family is in need or when you yourself are seeing bills pile up. Is God more faithful when he provided and we barely get by or when money seems to magically appear? I know people who got funds for college from unknown sources and rejoiced about how much God blessed them by them not being in debt, so has God not blessed me because I find myself with a huge amount of student loan payments? It makes you wonder sometimes because people would tend to thank God more for someone who received money and was never in debt than the person who is in debt and is still surviving.

It also makes you wonder who has more faith. Is it the person who landed on park place or the one who landed on someone else’s property? Does it take more faith to receive a sum of money and be free of debt or does it take more faith to continue trusting God through the process of paying your debts? It seems like the latter requires that one be in constant communication with God while the other may begin with thankfulness but may not end with the person continuing to perceive God as deeply as they should. I suppose it goes back to the question Jesus answered about rich people and the Kingdom of God.

I suppose I am just frustrated and while it may seem like I am trying to say I am more spiritual that rich people because I am in debt... I am actually wondering if a person like me can be angry at God. Am I angry simply because I do not have extra money? Am I worried because if something happens I would be broke in five seconds? Am I worried because I trust more in the dollar than in the providence of God? I think what worries me the most is the thought that I suppose I am a pretty faithful guy and I trust God but it begins to get under your spiritual skin when you wait for so long pursuing jobs, ministry or otherwise; and find yourself stuck in the same spot you were in and simply cannot find a way out. Doesn’t God promise he will provide? Why not a better job? Why not help me in interviews or even in friendships when I feel introverted and wish I could at least be perceived as more extroverted so I can get a good job or make friends easier and not be glanced over because I am not charismatic enough?

What do you think about being angry at God?
Have you ever felt that way? When/Why?

~ Daniel

Pic:
http://meignorant.com/files/images/angry_kid_playing_chess.jpg

http://www.christianitytoday.com/biblestudies/questions/theology/angrywithgod.html
http://www.hopeforfamily.org/godandanger.html

2009: My Year in Review

Its late, its new years, I am dot-sitting for my friend Nathan, and I have been pondering this past year a lot. it has been my first year on my own and my first year since I graduated and have lived outside of college/grad school life, which is so different from working and paying bills - especially with the added hassle of paying off student loans.

I started this year from a strong place of pain and sorrow. I had just graduated and was not sure about what I was supposed to do. Of course I was supposed to gradate and magically get a full-time youth job but that is not what happened and still is not what has happened but God has provided for me in many different ways and through many different avenues.

I started off frustrated trying to find a job during the week besides my part-time youth ministry job for one. I had no job during the week and bills to pay for about a month and a half and was thankful for the few good friends and also people from VBC at the time who prayed for me and helped me out when I needed it. Subbing was ok but I needed something more consistent and when the summer started coming I was starting to get angry, anxious, and frustrated - then I got a job working in retail. Sure not my best choice but something.. every other place turned me down usually because I was overqualified (if I even got an interview at all).

Then this past summer I had to leave my first ministry position at VBC where i was youth minister. There were any reasons for me leaving but my utmost concern was that I leave because God was telling me to and because it was what I needed to do - not because of money, not because maybe sometimes I felt a bit burnt-out, but because I was sure it was right. About the same time I got a clue on a job my friend had who was quitting at the HSU library, so I picked up that job. Between the two jobs I finally had enough to pay my loans and God was providing.

The last few months have been rough for me again. I have had a lot of payments to make, rent is going up, and now my graduate and undergraduate loans are consolidated and I have to start paying those on top of my private loans I already pay. Added to this my hours in retail have been getting cut a lot and I really need some full-time job during the day - and something that pays more than min wage. But I try to remember that God has provided this past year and will continue to provide in this coming year. He has been faithful ,and will continue to be faithful and provide, even if it is not always how we expect.

I have also learned a lot this past year about friendships and relationships. I started out pretty rocky in this area in 2009 because I was coming off of a time the previous summer when i liked a girl. We only went on one date but were pretty good friends before we went out. Then after we went out and she decided she only wanted to be friends and our friendship began to subside and really we don't talk to one another much at all anymore. For a while I tried to keep up but it is just too much to always be that person, especially when your feelings of friendship (or in any relationship) don't seem to be reciprocated.

I don't have many close friends anymore... My only close friend is Nathan, my best friend in town, who has been such an awesome friend and blessing from God to me during this time. I thank God for a friend that helps me out and who i can help. a friend who is married yet treats me as an equal and ask my opinion. A friend who calls me up and ask me to hang out instead of me always having to be the one initiating the friendship. It is a reciprocal friendship and I am learning that these types of friendships and very rare in life and if you have one you should feel lucky and blessed.

Honestly, I don't know what 2010 has for me. I know I have more loans to pay, rent has gone up, and I got side-swiped by an old lady and lost my drivers-side mirror the other day, lol. Sure I wish I could find a ministry job in a church that can pay enough for me to live, allow me to be a part of a community and team to reach those not saved and disciple those who are.... but it will come in time or God will provide in some manner. In all this I remember God is with me, that there is hope, that there is more to life than we see... and that the God who has been faithful and has provided will continue to provide.

And to my brothers and sisters in the faith....

I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. - Philippians 1:3-6

~ Daniel

PC:
http://blog.blacknight.com/images/happy-new-year-2009.jpg