Finding Home...

Finding home... finding your core, your center, that place that refreshes and revitalizes you, that gives your soul comfort and is the place you would rather be than anywhere else. Since I have graduated high school, I have been looking for my own home. While I was in college it was still very much my hometown of Houston in my heart. I would love to go back and become refreshed from time with my family and friends; yet as I moved through college I would catch myself referring to Marshall as my home, the place where I studied religion and met some awesome friends. Still, I knew it could not be my home because I would graduate soon and have to leave... and all my friends would leave as well... Sometimes that is just how life seems too be, that we are moved by our circumstances and not moving ourselves, and that some uncontrollable force is at work. When we believe that force to be God, we might find peace; while other times the seeming loss of control over ones life and confusion in making decisions going forward makes us wonder if it is God or fate.. Or are the two connected???

All this brings me to my current predicament. In my last blog/note/post, I stated that I was beginning to find some peace; yet I still found/find myself going back and forth between a peace that God will provide and that I must make a decision, choose something, some road to follow, to help me guide my way through the fog in life, even if it is all just in my mind. When I first got to Abilene, I thought for sure I would want to leave when I graduated, that three years here in this small city would be enough, then I would move on to some ministry in a medium church and be the "man/minister I am supposed to be". However, what I have learned about life is that it rarely works out the way we think or plan. I have been so consumed with asking God where I should go, that I do not know if I ever asked him if I should stay... If he would let me stay perhaps... See, over the last few years, especially the last year - I have begun to feel Abilene to be my home in many ways. For the first time in a while I have developed friendships that I consider true and genuine and have pleasantly surprised me. However, I have been somewhat angry at God in some way too, because it always seems like just when I make close friendships, he calls me elsewhere... I must then leave those great friendships and begin again. This has been my life since I left for college and I find the prospect of repeating it again once graduating with my Masters to be unwanted.

If God is a God or relationships... If I have grown so much while in this place... If I have friendships that I value and wish not to be taken from... Does God care? I am beginning to think that he does care very deeply about me, my need for community, my need to receive and offer friendship, and my need to grow as a minister through his process and not my own, not what people say the process should be. God will make me a minister and a man of God in his time and mine, as I struggle back and forth with Him, learning what it means to be a person, a Christian, and the minister God has called me to be wherever I am. I have decided... or at least I am going to shoot too stay in Abilene, this small great town after I graduate. I do not think God is done with me yet in this town and do not feel right now him calling me elsewhere. This decision has not been easy. Deciding the road for ones future never is... but I thank my deepest friends for being there for me in prayer and laughter, peace and worry, pain and joy.

Jacob, my friend from way back, though you live far way and we only talk sometimes, your humor and love for God always helps me see life the real way, not some cliché version that society or the church may put out there for me too see. Nathan, who though married, finds time to hang out and eat lunch each week with a single guy like me as we discuss things about life, ministry, our passions, our beliefs, and those ironic and funny things that seem to happen to us in life. Grant, my friend from college who I call my brother and though we may not hang out or talk like we use too, I know I am in your prayers and you are in mine as well. Mandi, whom I only met this past spring and has been an utter joy to be around, especially with our similar taste in movies and love for the game UNO.. ha ha. Katy, who more recently entered my circle of friends and shares my enjoyment of writing stuff online, maybe sometimes too openly (ha ha) and is more encouraging than she knows. And my most recent friend addition Ed, who started seminary this summer and though younger than me has a realistic and pragmatic wisdom that helps give perspective on things, even if we may not agree 100%. These friendships have helped me in so many ways... they provide me with a community of both thought and laughter, a way to feel helped and helper, and a great valve to release the stress that comes in life.

Finding your core,
Your center,
That place that refreshes
And revitalizes you,
That gives your soul comfort
And is the place you would rather be than anywhere else...

Find Friendships...
And perhaps you have Found Home...

~ Daniel

Pic:
http://static.howstuffworks.com/gif/home-sweet-home-quilt-block-3.jpg