I am writing this, something I have wanted to write for a while, something that has been brewing in my heart and in my mind, filling me once again with questions and confusion. I will likely post this tomorrow but tonight(Aug. 2nd) I give my resignation to the church (My last will be Aug. 18th, 2009), to my first church, which comes as a bitter-sweet thing. I always decided I was going to leave when I really felt God calling me to leave the church, either because I just felt called to leave or because I felt called to another church. Well, I have been seeking God, seeking other possibilities of churches, mostly wanting to know where God wants me, in what direction he wants me to go (leave or stay).
I have interviewed with a couple of churches, some of you know this and I appreciate your prayers (and continuing prayers in all of this). But somewhere about a month ago I began to feel it was time to leave, to leave this first ministry position and prepare for the next one. So, even though I have had some interviews and no other jobs are lined up, I just feel it is time to move on, maybe to another youth group, maybe to another ministry besides youth. Really I just want to be open to God.
Also, the last few months my passion has been lagging, my spirit has felt burnt-out and heavy. I haven’t been coming to God like I need to and so I will also use this time to come before God, to work on me, my personal relationship with Him. I have been thinking of a few ways to do this, but I need to be refreshed, I need to call out to God, cry out to God, and be in a place to be able to hear his voice and be ready for whatever is next. I am also considering holding off any more interviews for about a month after my last day at VBC, I just feel I need some time, some peace, and some room to think and pray.
I often wonder what God has next for me, for it seems my plans always flop and so I need to be open to everything and that scares me, scares me because I know it means putting myself out there, being uncomfortable once again, it means trusting God as I sort through the fog and clasp my hand around the hand of my Father, of my God, hear his voice and follow once again into that unknown.
To those of my church who read this I loved you all.. and leaving feels like leaving a family, a family I have known for 2.5 years and have grown to love, have been use to seeing, and now I must leave, must go and follow because that is what we are supposed to do, not just as ministers but as Christians, go and follow when we hear God call, when we feel the Holy Spirit speaking to us in our lives.
May God bless us as we follow, may we trust as we go, may we find peace in knowing we are obeying in the midst of fear and our confusion about life and what will come next.
Your Brother in Christ,
~ Daniel
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