Letter to Men

See Also : Letter to Females

Our culture would have you believe men come in one of two categories, either they are the Ray Romano’s and Tim-the-Toolman Taylor’s who have a difficult time with logic or they are the strong and silent Ron Swanson's who like to eat meat, hunt, and would prefer to live alone in a cabin in the woods and never have to talk to another living soul ever again. These are lies. We are more than this.

Our culture would have you believe men are emotionless creatures, who follow pure logic or no logic at all, that they are creatures who pursue their visually stimulated lustful thoughts and have seemingly no control over their actions. We are either robot or beast.

This is also untrue.

Men have a depth. I have seen it, but it lies behind a veil that not to many women or other men will ever get to see. Men have been taught since they were young that their emotions are wrong, that they should not cry or be vulnerable. Still, even for those lucky enough to have good parents who encouraged open communication and allowed their sons to express these emotions, the world pushes them back as they enter school, college, the workforce, and pursue relationships.

I have seen men weep because they cannot find work to pay bills or provide for their family. I have seen men weep and question how they can be so selfish when they truly desire to love their wife more than themselves. I have seen men weep, gushing tears after a breakup, divorce, or death of a spouse, lacking sleep and not being able to eat for days or weeks. But from others, from the world, these emotions are hidden. Why?

There are expectations.

Men feel these expectations. Men do not have an out when it comes to life. People generally do not feel sorry for men. We are supposed to be independent and strong. When we leave to college we are expected to be self-sufficient and never need help. True, some do run back home and waste their lives pursuing their man-toys like video games or sports cars, but true men fight to live and are sometimes weighed down by these expectations. We are expected to have high paying jobs, expected to always have friends, and though not as verbal, we are expected to find someone and marry by a certain age.

But none of these pieces make a man.

A real man finds that there is strength in admitting his weakness, because this is the only way he can ever grow. A real man knows his emotions are there for a reason and allows himself to be honest and vulnerable but also sees the wisdom in only allowing himself to open up to those who are close and loyal.

Responsibility not Expectations drives real men.

Responsibility is taking hold of your dreams and pursuing them, knowing that no one else can live your life but you. Responsibility means you have to be the one who initiates friendships or a relationship, taking the risk of rejection or you are responsible for never even trying and putting yourself out there at all. It means working hard for your family or your future family, paying off debt, and sacrificing in the present for your future. Finally, men taking responsibility means single or married, you take up caring for those with whom you are close; friends, family, and others in need.

Men, I know you grow up thinking life is about becoming strong and independent but somewhere along the way I think we all learn being a real man is NOT about being an individual but about being a part of a community, a family, a person who cares deeply for others and wishes to be known.

Men only hold back because we are too fearful to move forward, we are protected and guarded, because while we were told to be strong, we still care what others think and how they perceive us. 

But at some point we will hopefully decide to start letting those expectations and worries about what others think go; instead learning that life, a good life, is letting others in, caring for them, encouraging them, and seeing them grow and succeed.

Men, never be afraid to be open and to be yourself. Don’t let our culture dictate what you should do, how you should act, or what you should share. Play and watch sports. Write Poetry. Sing Songs. Play Paintball. Go Hunting. Like Star Wars and Chick Flicks. Be You!

Know that being a man is more than pieces. Being strong and confident in yourself as a whole makes the man. Finally, remember Jesus was the man who threw over the tables of the money-changers taking advantage of the poor and wept and mourned the death of his friend Lazarus. If we are looking for an image of a man worth striving to be, we should start there, with the boldness and compassion of Jesus Christ.

~ Daniel Brockhan