Ok, let’s be honest... Christianity is sometimes a difficult faith to understand much less one to live in, especially when life goes back and forth and so many people in the church give such different advice. When I wrote my "Year in Review" I said I trust God and he has provided, and while I totally agree with that… the other side of those thoughts are the ones I keep down deep, the ones perhaps we all keep down deep. Not to say that God doesn’t care or doesn’t exist but does he directly affect my life in the way so many of us seem to think.
In the church we say that those devoted to God will see blessings, most of which may or may not be financially. But it is hard not to see being blessed by God in relation to money when your family is in need or when you yourself are seeing bills pile up. Is God more faithful when he provided and we barely get by or when money seems to magically appear? I know people who got funds for college from unknown sources and rejoiced about how much God blessed them by them not being in debt, so has God not blessed me because I find myself with a huge amount of student loan payments? It makes you wonder sometimes because people would tend to thank God more for someone who received money and was never in debt than the person who is in debt and is still surviving.
It also makes you wonder who has more faith. Is it the person who landed on park place or the one who landed on someone else’s property? Does it take more faith to receive a sum of money and be free of debt or does it take more faith to continue trusting God through the process of paying your debts? It seems like the latter requires that one be in constant communication with God while the other may begin with thankfulness but may not end with the person continuing to perceive God as deeply as they should. I suppose it goes back to the question Jesus answered about rich people and the Kingdom of God.
I suppose I am just frustrated and while it may seem like I am trying to say I am more spiritual that rich people because I am in debt... I am actually wondering if a person like me can be angry at God. Am I angry simply because I do not have extra money? Am I worried because if something happens I would be broke in five seconds? Am I worried because I trust more in the dollar than in the providence of God? I think what worries me the most is the thought that I suppose I am a pretty faithful guy and I trust God but it begins to get under your spiritual skin when you wait for so long pursuing jobs, ministry or otherwise; and find yourself stuck in the same spot you were in and simply cannot find a way out. Doesn’t God promise he will provide? Why not a better job? Why not help me in interviews or even in friendships when I feel introverted and wish I could at least be perceived as more extroverted so I can get a good job or make friends easier and not be glanced over because I am not charismatic enough?
What do you think about being angry at God?
Have you ever felt that way? When/Why?
~ Daniel
Pic:
http://meignorant.com/files/images/angry_kid_playing_chess.jpg
http://www.christianitytoday.com/biblestudies/questions/theology/angrywithgod.html
http://www.hopeforfamily.org/godandanger.html
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