I Am Tired of This

I don't know what it is... but i am tired of it, of this feeling inside that I'm not doing all I can, that I am supposed to be doing something else. I have no idea what I am supposed to do: Fast? Pray? Read my Bible? Try to make new friends? Find a ministry job? A secular job? volunteer? Read more books and concentrate on my studies? Get a new hobby?

I have just found myself sorta confused and yes, somewhat depressed. I try to make friends here but everyone has their own life.

I have also been lacking a lot in my own personal walk lately. I actually think God is beginning to break me, but its not as if I have been reading my bible or praying more. I just have a general feeling of uneasiness. I actually got up the other day and just starred at my dorm room and felt like I wanted to cry. Why? I have no idea. loneliness? Feeling a lack of purpose and vision? I don't know. And I don't feel like crying often, usually it is when God shakes my life by obstacles, confronting me with my own self and sin, or if someone dies. Those who know me know i'm not too very emotional. When something is not funny, serious or causing me to cry I usually just have blank look on my face. Its my I don't feel anything so this is my face face...

So, I am on the edge toward my 23rd year of life, looking over the cliff and wondering if I have used this year for the good of God or for my own selfishness. Sometimes it seems about 50/50 or so I guess. I want to be part of something great for God and yet find myself perhaps falling behind. But what do I do to move forward? I do not know. I need to be in more prayer, in more communication with my Father; as well, I need to be initiated more in the reading of my Father word, the scriptures that bring life to me, to my heart and life I have been neglecting. You can have some pastor, teacher, professor or witty Christian tell you that reading the Bible daily isn't necessary, but I believe it is - I believe it is as necessary as prayer and yet I've neglected both. What way can God speak to me if I block of these ways?

May God have mercy on us when we neglect him,
when we neglect his word and our glorious conversations listening to Him in prayer

~ Daniel